Indigo's Owl [Indigo Rewrite]

Chapter 23 - Nightmares

"One word at a time," said Shift. He pulled her against him with an arm around her shoulders and held her wrists in his other hand, gently tugging them away from her head. It took a conscious effort to keep his Green from shifting her Black at the skin contact, but he kept it under control. "What's he gonna do to me? Hang me upside down by my toes? Dangle me above a lava pit? Because I shifted that last time — and hues help him if he decides to even try and introduce himself to Zoe — she'll annihilate him and make him apologise before you can say 'Spectrum'."

Athira took a long, shuddering breath before she spoke again.

"He shows me you broken," she murmured, pressing her face against his shoulder. "I see the bruises. The gashes. Even when I get to you in time, when I think I've saved you, I see your eyes and there's... there's nothing. You're looking right at me, but you aren't there."

"Rathe thinks a little bit of torture is going to break me, eh?" said Shift. "Or do you have that little faith in me?"

"You don't see what he does to you," she whispered, so quietly he almost missed it. "What he makes me watch, makes me listen to. Sometimes I can't hear anything but screams, telling me to stay away until at some point, I just hear your heartbeat stop." Her fists clenched in his grip. "Out of everything, I think that's somehow the worst. The first time he showed me that, I couldn't get the silence out of my head for days. At night when it's quiet, all I can think of is that silence."

"Is that what's happening now?" asked Shift, receiving a small, hesitant nod against his shoulder in reply. He released her wrists and tapped a hand against his chest. "Best way to deal with nightmares is to prove to yourself that it's not real. Here, listen if you want."

He didn't expect her to take him up on the offer, yet to his surprise, Athira lifted her head off his shoulder. Her eyes flicked to his — almost like she was checking for permission — before she tentatively pressed her ear against his chest, right over his heart.

They remained like that for a long moment — her listening through the thin material of his shirt, and him wondering if she could hear his heart trying to beat out of his chest.

"See?" he said, forcing himself to take a deep breath. "No silence here."

Athira pulled back, but continued to lean against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Her cheek was warmer than he'd expected — not quite as hot as when he'd carried her out of Starpoint or the subway station earlier today, but enough that for anyone else, he'd have suspected them of running a fever.

"For now," she said quietly. "It just... it feels like I'm not doing enough to keep it that way." She hugged her arms around her waist. "That Sleeper had the same energy as the Surges. Those three knew something, and I let them get away."

"To save Zoe," Shift reminded her.

"I could have done more — done something earlier," muttered Athira. "I should have ended the fight the minute I knew they were testing Zoe with it, but I held back because of the nausea, because I'm... pretending to be a Keeper. I had enough time to end it before the Sleeper caught up. I could have—"

Shift recognised the spiral and gave her a squeeze. "Hindsight always spots something you could have done better. I could have shifted more Yellow, Raph could have been faster, Zoe could have comm'd with Talia to reinforce the tunnel. We're a team — why are you only blaming yourself?"

"Because I could have done whatever I had to and didn't," said Athira.

She sat up, pressing her palms against her eyelids.

"Those three today were a real, solid lead, and I lost them," she said. "Without them, all I've got is Reader — and he's locked away in some secret facility by the Elites, who refuse to let me contact him." She huffed, dropping her hands into her lap. "I know he's got people on the outside working for him since they got me the note about Grandma. If I could find them, then maybe I could start putting the pieces together, but I have no idea where to start looking."