Essence of Purity [boyxboy]

Chapter XXV

It wasn't, and the frustration was beginning to build. Salem was conflicted. The migraine had him wanting to curl up in a dark room yet he couldn't bear the thought of that inky blackness taking away every sense of orientation for him. He had done what he could, turning off the lights in the living room, illuminated only by the honeyed candle light and the artificial glow of the TV. The throbbing was still a problem, even after Salem had stomached painkillers that made him irritatingly drowsy.

Mourn came to mind. Of course he did. Salem wondered what he might be doing that evening. They had met for coffee in the morning, before wandering through the city to a bakery that Mourn recommended. The various bread rolls and pastries were still sat on the kitchen counter where Salem had left them as a treat for his brothers when they got home. Mourn didn't talk about work when they were together. They discussed whatever came to mind; be it something visual that caught their eye or funny tales they had from their time apart. Salem wished he had asked about Mourn's plans that night.

Often, it was the elf that initiated their contact. Not because Salem felt uncomfortable making the first move but because he didn't want to interrupt any important meetings. Mourn was a busy man, and Salem was not. Free time for the fae didn't coincide with that for the elf. That evening, Salem considered breaking his streak. He considered more than that. Talking on the phone with Mourn would mean putting his hearing aids back in for an extended period of time. It wouldn't solve the migraine. Visiting him in person would...

Tehlmar was supposed to be out of the estate by that day. After their first meeting at the beach, Mourn had made that very clear. Saturday was the deadline for his husband to move out. It was swift, maybe a little harsh in some perspectives, but precisely what Salem had wanted for Mourn. Tehlmar had found a house in a matter of two days anyway, so there was no need for Salem to feel guilty for instigating those events. He would be happier away from Mourn, able to grieve the loss of his love alone, in a healthier manner. Distance was better for both of them.

Salem had made a point of avoiding all talk of relationships with Mourn, and the elf seemed just as adamant to give him the space he had requested. But that didn't mean he didn't think about it. Salem had stayed up for hours in bed considering both sides of the coin that had been thrown his way.

A decision still hadn't been made. Salem knew he had feelings for Mourn, feelings that he couldn't just ignore. Even in those three months apart, Salem hadn't forgotten about the elf. But love wasn't everything. Safety was important to Salem too. Not just for himself but for his family. Being with Mourn would be a risk. Even being friends with him, meeting with him so often in public places, Salem was putting his family in harm's way. Somehow, that never came to mind when he was with Mourn.

Salem wanted to be swayed one way or the other. He wanted some ultimate moment to send him spiralling in one direction. He wanted to make his choice with no regrets, but he knew that was nothing more than a fantasy. Something had to give either way. Whether it was the safety of his family or the future of his heart. One side had to give. And Salem had to be the one to act on that. No one else.

Collecting his hearing aids from where he had left them on the coffee table, Salem got up from the couch. That decision wasn't going to be made alone. Salem had tried that way around it, it wasn't working. He had to talk to Mourn. And maybe tonight wasn't the best timing, but Salem couldn't bear to be alone anymore, so it seemed like a win-win in his books. It was ten o'clock already, Tehlmar should have left. Mourn wanted him out in the morning, he had told Salem that. Tehlmar was packed up and procrastinating when they met for coffee. There was no way he could still be there all those hours later.

Regardless, Salem was willing to take that chance. He left a note for his brothers, scrawling down on a piece of discarded paper that he was going to Mourn's and that he was unsure whether he would be back that night. Pinning it to the bannister seemed like the best idea, it could be seen from the front door then. Salem sat on the bottom step, lacing up his shoes, letting his mind race with the ideas of what he might regret by going to Mourn's estate so abruptly. He vowed to stop worrying once he stepped out of the house, so he let his nerves have free reign for the time being.