My Tearsoaked Heart

My Tearsoaked Heart *{28}*

Pretty good, I thought over his words. I doubt it was because he was sleeping in the same bed as me, it was probably just a normal response. I kept trying to convince myself as he continued. “Wait, man where did you sleep?”

I sneaked a glance at Jeremy to see him pretending to be in thought. “Well since it was dark and I had no idea where the light switches were I failed to find the kitchen, so deciding to skip dinner I went back upstairs to Rose’s room to see you both sleeping,” he stopped looking at Matthew. “Thanks for making me feel SO much at home,” he said sarcastically and Matthew just grinned in response.

He sighed before continuing. “So I crossed the hall into supposably your room,” he pointed at Matthew, “and slept on your couch. Hope that was okay with you,”

Matthew waved it off. “Don’t worry about it; we’ll get you a spare room. How long you staying?”

I turned my attention back to Jeremy, curious of his answer. “Just a few days, one week tops,”

I looked back down at my food. Only a week? I only get to spend one week with him? It was Wednesday today so if he only stayed for a few days I wouldn’t get to spend time with him, I would be at school.

I didn’t register their conversation on the latest sport scandals instead thinking about when the next time I’ll see him again, if not at all.

He’ll probably forget about me in a few months, I thought sadly.

I didn’t notice Matthew leave as I was nudged out of my mind by Jeremy smiling at me though when he saw my face he dropped the grin.

“Hey, what’s wrong Eli?”

Turning my head I tried to give him a look saying I was fine but he narrowed his eyes, not believing it one bit.

Letting out a sigh I glanced back at my eggs, moving them around my plate.

“Since I’ve come here I’ve noticed,” he started, turning my chair to face him, “that you haven’t smiled or laughed at least once,” he looked into my eyes, trying to find some answers.

Averting my eyes I thought how to say it. “I don’t…smile anymore. It hurts to be happy,” I muttered under my breath though he still caught it.

He tugged my arm, my body leaving my chair and he pulled me onto his lap, into one of those hugs he always gave me.

“Come on Eli, you’re family wouldn’t want you to be miserable and especially moping around all day. They would want you to be happy,”

I groaned, pulling away to lean my head against his chest. “Why is everyone saying that? Why should I be happy if they’re dead? I think they would rather see me miserable,”

He pushed my shoulders away so he could look into my eyes again, giving me a stern look. “Do you really think that if you asked them that they would seriously say they want you to flush your life down the drain?” he asked rhetorically not giving me a chance to answer as he continued. “No! Do you think that your parents would have raised you up, telling you to be happy and when they die demand for you to be depressed?”

I opened my mouth to inject though he wouldn’t have it.
“No! Do you think that Kelly…would have wanted her big sister to be sad?” he questioned me again, his voice going quiet at the end and I shrunk on his lap, not meeting his eyes.

He took my silence as his answer. “No…,”

I stared at the kitchen counter across the room, my brow scrunched in thought.

When you say it like that then it was obvious that no, they would want me to be happy but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. A sense of betrayal hangs over my head whenever I come to that statement that they would want me to continue my life.