Vox Machina Incorrect Quotes

Yes, i am a dork, hello

Grog: like it's MY fault my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill

(I love Grog, he's a sweetheart <3)

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Vex, about Vax and Keyleth: it's less like a slow burn and more like two idiots standing in a fire

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Grog: I just punched shit
Grog: and that's what I call therapy

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Scanlan: just because it's a bromance doesn't mean you can't kiss him with tongue. Follow for more nontoxic masculinity or else

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Vex: and for my next trick, I will be feeling absolutely everything and absolutely nothing at the exact same time and maintain a perfectly straight face

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Scanlan: The whole point of life is knowing a bunch of weird stuff and being kinda flirty

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Keyleth, to the group: I love you guys so much! You're the best thing that's ever happened to me!
Scanlan: we're the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Keyleth: yes!
Vax: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you...

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Grog: do it or you're straight
Scanlan: *gasps*

(Idc what you say, Scanlan is pan and you can't convince me otherwise)
(Like, dude is a BARD)
(I'd be shocked if he WAS straight)

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Grog: *spills vodka on the magic carpet* FIVE SECOND RULE
Vex: NO *tries to tackle him*

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Pike: you stole a stuffed dragon for me?
Scanlan: for you, I would've stolen a whole toy store

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Vex: I love being a pretty girl because it widens the threshold for weird shit you can say

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Vax: hey, do we have any orange juice left?
Grog: *pours the remaining juice into his cup while maintaining eye contact*
Grog: we're all out

(I like to imagine that this happens after Vax shaved Grog's beard)
(Just the pettiness between those two is immaculate)

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Scanlan: your task is to piss off an entire room. How do you do it?
Tiberius: I just show up, usually

(I also love Scanlan's and Tiberius' little feud. Idk what caused it, or why they constantly argue, but I greatly enjoy it)

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Scanlan: The good news is that I'm the prettiest, best-spoken, and most intelligent abomination against god and nature ever to walk the earth

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Vax: hey vampires, demons and other terrors of the night it really isn't necessary to go to all the effort of kidnapping me to your castles and forcing me to be your bride i'll come willingly if you just ask
Scanlan: not me!! i demand theatrics!!! dress me in white lace and chain me to an altar!!! prove to me romance isnt dead!!!!!

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Keyleth: I stole
The rest of the party: we're so proud of you!!!!!

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Vex, about Trinket: getting approached by an animal that wants you to pet them is such a magical feeling. like they saw you and went "yeah there's love in there"

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Grog: hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water
Grog: my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and the gods so thoughtlessly
Scanlan: ... how does it taste?
Grog: bad
Percy: the fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO2 and H2O over time. And carbonic acid is- as an acid- sour.
Percy: By adding milk to sour water you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great.
Grog: I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

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Vex: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Scanlan: forty exclamation points in a row and it is pronounced like a person screaming.

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Keyleth: Now, let's say you are in trouble and you're in desperate need of help. What do you do?
Scanlan: Ask Pike for help.
Keyleth: Okay, yes. But Pike's not here.
Scanlan: Where's Pike?
Keyleth: It's not important where she is. She's  gone. She left the country.
Scanlan: she left the country? Why? Is she okay?
Keyleth: She's fine.
Scanlan: Well, if she's fine, I don't see why she couldn't help me.

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Grog: No matter how insecure or shitty you feel, just remember that my muscles are massive and i can punch through walls

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Percy: I dare you-
Pike: Grog's not allowed to accept dares.
Percy: Why not?
Grog, bowing his head: I have no regard for my own personal safety.

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Scanlan: I wish puberty took you to a customize character screen.
Vex: Do you realize how many people would be dragons?
Tiberius, a Dragon-born: You say that like it's a bad thing.

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Pike: If I died, how much would you miss me?
Scanlan: It's cute that you think death can get you out of this party.

(You know, I initially put this here as a funny incorrect quote, but like)
(It's literally true)

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Pike: Please don't do anything overly dramatic or stupid.
Scanlan: You could sooner divert a river from its course than deny me my nature.

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Vax, to Keyleth (and probably Vex): you're probably going to die by trying to pet something that you shouldn't

(He says as his sister has a fucking BEAR as a pet)
(I love Trinket tho, he's so cute)

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Scanlan: if being sexy is a crime, I deserve to be arrested and jailed for 100 years
Vax: 100 years? For a crime you didn't commit?

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Scanlan: if I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd only have one
Pike: and why is that?
Scanlan: because you never leave my mind~
Pike:
Pike, now flustered: t-that's sweet an' all, b-but Percy is currently on fire—

(Yes, this is based off the time where the party was in the under dark and Scanlan did something badass in front of Pike, said "let's make out" and then Pike said "maybe when we're not in danger!?" Because there was currently a horde going after them)

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Pike: "source?" Bitch, it's called divine intuition

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Vex: would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Grog: okay Scanlan, you stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we get a big-ass house
Scanlan: you can stab me too, then we'll have 10 million
Grog: good thinking
Vex:

(I love Grog and Scanlans friendship)
(Just this giant behemoth and a short king singing songs, getting drunk, and Fucking random women)
(I love them)