Tainted Me

Chapter 31: White Flag

"You confessed."

"Byron deserves justice." Holden's jaw clenched. "And I deserve to be punished."

"You mean the guilt had been eating you up so you fessed up," I spat.

His eyes met mine. "That makes one of us."

"I didn't kill anyone."

"You might as well be," he hissed. "You don't deserve to live."

"So you tried to have me killed," I stated. "Only you got the wrong guy."

He looked away. "It should've been you."

"That's why you've been tormenting me for the past year. Such dedication."

"Someone had to give a fuck about what happened to Mauri," he muttered, shaking his head. "My father doesn't want to do anything about it. He doesn't even give a shit about his brother's kid. He saw Mauri as an in convenience. But Mauri was like a brother to me. Even if he wasn't accepted in the family, we secretly kept in touch over the years."

I had no idea. Mauri didn't mention anything about his background past his mother.

"The people responsible needed more than slaps on the wrists." Holden glared at me. "I decided to take matters into my own hands."

He came after us one by one.

"And you thought sending dead animals was taking matter into your own hands? Real fucking smart."

"It got you on your toes, didn't it?"

"I thought you were my friend."

"I forced myself to be your friend. When I found out you were transferring to Harvard, I convinced my father to help me get in."

He was a freshmen when I transferred. I didn't think anything by it then.

"It took me years before I could make a move. I needed to earn your trust first. You didn't let anyone get too close, so it took a while. It wasn't easy being around you. Every time I saw you, I'm reminded of what I lost. But I had to play a part. You what the truth is, though?" He leaned forward, his breath making a fog on the glass between us. His eyes were glassy from unshed tears. "You disgust me."

I was disgusted with myself, too. But I learned to rise from it and be better instead. Mauri taught me to be good, to want good, and to do good.

"I'm not the one behind bars."

"I'm going away for what I did, unlike you."

"You know, for so long, I blamed myself for what happened. I know I could've done better. I could've stopped him. I could've put an end to that stupid fucking tradition. If I had the power to turn back time, I would. But I realized that no matter how much I blamed myself, it won't change the fact for what it was." My eyebrows creased as I leaned forward. "An accident."

Holden's nostrils flared, before he leaned back on his chair and looked away from me.

"Killing me won't bring him back."

"I was honoring Mauri."

I shook my head. "Nah, that's not right. If you really knew him the way you claimed you did, you'd know that he's the epitome of optimism. This? This shit you've been doing? He'd hate this. Honoring Mauri is honoring the way he lived and approached life, which was full of love and laughter."

I caught a tear roll down Holden's cheek. He quickly swiped it away. It dawned on me that he was also just a kid. It didn't justify any of what he'd done. But as much as I fucking hated to admit it, I knew and understood a lost person when I saw one.

"I hope you find the peace you're looking for," I told him, before getting to my feet and making a move to leave. I turned my back on him and walked towards the exit doors.

"I hope you don't."

I stopped, and turned my head just enough so I could say, "Too late."

I found my peace already.

I was on my way to the hospital when I got a call from Gwen that Byron's awake. I sped up and probably broke a few traffic rules along the way.

As soon as I parked my car, I ran to the entrance. I rushed to Byron's hospital room and arrived to see his bed surrounded by our friends. His parents were outside the room talking to the doctor.

Byron smiled when he saw me. "Hey, Alfie."

I couldn't bring myself to speak. I could only stare at him, waiting for the fact that he was awake to sink in. He was alive. He was safe. He was here.

"You didn't get yourself in trouble, did you?" he teased. "I'm still too bed-ridden to knock some sense into you."

"I—" I swallowed, and tried again. "You do seem to have a habit of saving my ass."

"That's what friends are for, right?"

"Like you said, I'm lucky – especially if I have friends like you by my side."

"Did you see him?" Arisa asked.

"Yeah." I nodded. "It's over."

Yash nodded his head while Gwen visibly sighed. Arisa looked relieved and Byron looked like he didn't know whether to be sad or angry. In the end, he seemed to settle on disappointment.

I felt the same, conflicted with what I should feel. After I got past the betrayal and anger, I mostly felt sad that I lost a friend. Nobody really warned me about shit like this. I had breakups before, but this kind of heartbreak hurt like a motherfucker, too.

That night, Arisa and I were getting our dinner ready at my apartment while the news played in the background. We were having one of those quiet but peaceful moments while we prepared the food. I was pretty sure she was letting me have my own space to think. I appreciated that.

But then, we both stopped what we were doing when a familiar name was mentioned on the news.

"...Holden Adder, son of Senator Adder, who was in police custody after confessing to an attempted murder, was killed in prison this afternoon."