Reverie Reviews

review #26.S3: Roses and Violets

Roses and Violets

Author: Hershey_297
Reviewer: LadyInLostYearn

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SYNOPSIS

Julie is an outgoing girl whose lifelong dream consists of acting and nothing else. When she meets Rowan, her entire life is flipped. Lifelong relationships are broken, conflict arises, and her goals are cast aside- all in the name of love.
Rowan is an ambitious guy who believes his life is destroyed beyond repair after an accident, and he is willing to give anything to be with his beloved, including his own life.

He gets dragged into Julie's world after a series of events and joins her play as Romeo himself. Everything down to their fast-paced emotions, desires, and sacrifices are identical to that of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

Behind all the action, a mastermind runs their lives and ultimately breaks the two down to pieces. With every action carefully calculated, they only edge closer to their tragic end. When they realize their true rival, they realize everything was an act. After all...

Roses are red.
Violets aren't blue.
I was bored until I saw you.

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Disclaimer: While I was reading your book with my best effort to stay unbiased, I might not catch your intended style for your characters, storyline, or purposes. By the end of the day, you control its narrative. I was just passing through, exploring around, and giving a deduction.

Overall review:
I like the cover. I love the title. It's simple but not common among Romeo & Juliet retellings. The blurb captured my attention and made me actually interested. Good opening hook. Vague and it should be that way, but the prologue snippet before Grayson and Seb scene could be in italics since this might confuse the two scenes as one. The triple dots after didn't help much. I saw this in Act 2 as well.

I'll point out things:
1) Clarify. 'He shrugged before replying, "What are you talking about? I didn't hear anything the entire month..."' You didn't clarify which one is talking until Grayson was shown a few dialogues later. 'His mind stared at the list, processing it for an abnormally long time, making Grayson...' Same thing here, only late in the sentence shows it was Seb's mind, not Grayson's. '"No shit. I already knew that. You didn't need to look at the list to know that."' Again, I thought this was Seb talking until dialogues later. Even then, I'm not sure. "...in front of literally everyone I know!" Julie tugged on Rose's sleeve, trying to get her to leave to no avail' also wasn't clarified. Was it Julie or Rose? I must note them because I was already confused several times during the first chapter, so watch out for them in later chapters too.

2) This isn't a huge issue, but it helps with the flow. Example, '"Hey?" He repeated back, confused' and the likes of it could have the words after the question marks (and exclamation marks) in dialogues not capitalised. Like "Hey?" he repeated back, confused.

You can refer to the image below on dialogue tags for question marks.

3) Errors. '"There's a small issue that's..." she looked back at Sebastian getting punched in the face.' 'She' was supposed to be capitalised since it's an action beat, not a dialogue tag. '...so one more strike and," he pointed to Rowan.' Another mistake with an action beat. Be mindful of this, it might bleed into later chapters. '"Do I have to Nessie?" Julie groaned.' Comma before Nessie. Maybe there's more.

4) Paragraph issue. Don't break paragraphs unless the subject shifts or another speaker comes in. Example: Ben groaned and stood up, straightening his back. He saw the two getting beat up by Jayden and just sighed.
"You did this, didn't you?" He asked. "It seems like something you would do." He noticed that the two started bleeding and began sprinting to the doors.

"We will talk about this later!" He called out. "Don't you dare avoid this conversation."

Don't separate the dialogues — I thought there was another character coming in until I realised it's still Ben.

Now those are out of the way, dialogue and flow need work, coming from the points above. But the emotions shown were excellent. You didn't weave the descriptions about the scenery, the looks, and pretty vocab to a tee, and I didn't mind at all. You captured enough of what's happening, especially their expressions and actions, though it's best if you recap more of each character. A cast list was provided, but the nine characters (didn't count the adults) introduced in the first chapter were overwhelming. I don't have the right in telling you to cut them down into smaller casts since it might ruin the plot's flow, so more recap could help.
The characters were definitely interesting (I like Ben). I was intrigued by Julie's reluctant friendship with Rosaline, Rowan's lack of grudge against Julie and she easily felt safe with him, and Rose's behaviour towards Rowan. Sure, she didn't like him anymore, but it's puzzling why she wasn't forthright. Maybe this one followed Rosaline from the original Romeo & Juliet. I wouldn't know because I never read it or watch their films.

However, I know Romeo was quickly infatuated with Juliet. But since this is a modern take, it didn't feel right when Rowan was quick to have feelings for Julie too. 'Suddenly, his feelings for Rosaline began to fade away as his heart became more inclined towards a new person' implied that he was still hung up on Rose before turning to Julie. Seemingly looked like she is a rebound. Let him get closure about his unhealthy infatuation towards Rose for a while before Julie. He's over-romantic, in character even, but I hope this trait can be depicted in a healthier way. If all of this isn't the case, better reword the sentence mentioned above.

Although if that's the intention all along, I hope you'd right the flaws of Rowan in future chapters, unlike how Romeo was depicted. A healthy, proper character development despite what I've read from the snippet. I assume he might not be healthy even then. Or might be a misunderstanding from Julie. Hey, their mystery is what you intended. I can't fault you for that. I did the same with mine.