Skulls and Scars

My mind was blank.
I was just there; face drenched in tears, static, completely unable to form an intelligible sentence and say it out loud.
Why Ghost was like that? That was a low blow, and he knew that. But at that point, whatever he would be telling me was questionable. I couldn't trust his words or judgement anymore. It was indeed a trust issue.

He was there, expecting a reaction out of me, with an apologetic but hopeful gaze in his eyes. I couldn't formulate anything in my mind, so I quietly gathered some things to go get a shower. My gunshot wounds were stingy, but physical pain was the least of my worries.

- Let me just... Care for myself. I'm exhausted.

- I'll be here.

- Whatever.

He sat back down and followed me with his eyes. It was the first time in months that I felt so uncomfortable with his stare.
I undressed in a mechanical fashion; turned on the shower and let it warm up to the point of leaving the bathroom all foggy.
The hot water was relaxing my muscles, but I dissociated. I was just not there anymore.

As I snapped out of it, I barely done anything worth of a shower. I've only washed my hair and got out. I've put on a white tank top, a navy blue sweatpants and I braided my dampen hair, dragging myself out of the bathroom. He was still there, waiting.

- You look better.

- You're still here.

- Waiting for you.

- Could you stop, Simon...?!?

- I just want to apologize... I threw you away out of fear... A grave mistake.

- That won't grant you acceptance, you know that.

- Don't I deserve it...?

- It's about trust, Simon... You said so yourself numerous times. And yet, you couldn't keep yourself in check with your own principles, right?

- Fucking hell... - he sighed, with pain in his voice.

- Have the dignity to understand that you've self-sabotaged our relationship. - tears emerged again from my eyes. - And to think we were discussing about the future... What future can be discussed with someone that thought so poorly of the other?

- You make bloody fucked up questions, Elise...

- Questions you won't ever answer, clearly!

- Because I never went so far for anyone, not even for myself. You're the first in decades...

- What do you mean?

- I never felt so much for someone other than...!

- Other than who?!?

- ...Other than my family. My mother... My brother... My nephew. And they're... They're dead...!

At that very moment, I've seen Ghost disappear and saw Simon take over fully.
A tormented man, with blood in his hands, full of scars, ruined body and soul; a man that collected painful memories and irreparable traumas... That carried the weight of so much guilt and shame, for taking so many lives and losing the most important ones in his.

He took off his mask and I saw his bare face once again. I could see the pain in his eyes, the defeat in his expression, the despair. But what hurt my heart the most was his tears...
Simon was crying right in front of me.
He was totally out in the open. Vulnerable. Hurting.

- Oh my God... Why...?

- Bloody hell... I've turned into a sissy for a bloody woman...! I really reached my limit...