Treat You Better

Chapter Forty Two: The "I Love You" Thing.

"I'm not?"

"No, my mind's been in such a complex state that I can barely handle it, and I can't even trust my own judgement so I doubt every decision I make, everything I say, everything I'm feeling because I can't tell if it's as a result of an external influence, you know, don't know if my feelings are mine or I was manipulated into feeling like that." I sighed.
"Basically, I'm out of touch with my own emotions and I'm sorry you have to deal with that now. I thought I'd just be able to repeat three simple words to you when it came to it, but you don't deserve that."

Raising my head, I met his eyes once more and they were shining with understanding.

"You deserve someone who isn't confused, someone who's sure of what she wants and can confidently tell you what's in her heart..."

"So, you." He said, watching me.

"Someday."

"I'll wait."

I made a sad chuckle, feeling tears sting my eyes. "But..."

"But nothing, you can't break up with me just after you said yes." He said, holding my chin lightly by his fingers and I could have melted like I'd been starved of contact for days.

"I'm not, I still want to be with you." I said and leaned into the warmth of his hand when he cupped my face. "Is it possible though, for you to not tell me you love me till I'm ready to say it back?"

Angelo hummed lightly, silver eyes shifting between both of mine.
"I'm sure I have a written list of reasons why I can't do that somewhere."

"Angelo..."

"It's torture, Violet, to not confess this feeling that I have for you every hour of every day." He said lowly, taking my cold hands in his, thumbs running over my knuckles.
"I am completely in love with your very being; all the way from your eyes, to your smile, to your heart, to your thoughts where I just want to stay, even to every strand of your hair. It's a new, strange, helpless sensation that honestly scares me."

He lowered his head as he brought my hands to his lips.
"But you're still here," I said softly and took my hands out of his to touch his face.

"Because that's all I want to do, to love you in every way I can, including the words of my mouth," he said, watching me with soft, vulnerable eyes.
His free hand came to rest in the grass next to my hip. What had started as us sitting next to each other had gradually turned into me half sitting across his lap.

"All you have to do is let me, you don't have to love me just as much, don't have to say words you're not sure of, I won't even put you in a situation where you have to."

"How?" I asked, tracing my thumbs over his cheeks, something I could tell he really liked.

A slow smile crept up his lips, "Well, this isn't the first time I'm telling you I love you, just the first time I'm saying it to your hearing." He said and my eyes widened a bit as I took in his words.

Then I felt my face heat up slightly, "You can't be serious."

He shook his head slightly, his eyes following me as I turned to him completely, sitting on my knees in the space between his legs, staring wide eyed at him.
His head tilted at bit and he gave me a tiny smile as he kept going, "It's not the second either, or the third, or the forth..."

I let out a shaky breath as my heartbeat echoed in my ears. It was times like this my mind was clear of any doubts, all I knew right now was him and there was nothing to be afraid of.