Adonis | H.S

chapter thirty-nine: amends

Cupid's Arrow. An iron spear tip sliced through the air faster than one could blink. And that's exactly what hearing those words did to her. Severed her heart from her brain and she forgot how to breathe.

Those words. The sentiment that she'd felt from him for ages but never heard leave his mouth. Raspberry-hued confessions drizzled her soul in a warmth that she'd since been lacking in their time apart.

And god, she loved him.

Loved him from the moment he'd opened up to her. Inch by inch all those months. He had given her more to love and she'd latched onto it like it was her lifeline. After all, that's what he'd become. A ribbon of hope in shards of glittering glass, a sanctum from the constant abrasions.

But seeing the utter pain and desperation in his face was killing her. His guilt was driving him mad and she wasn't about to alleviate it. Not yet. He had to earn it. Fight to have him back, have him claw at her to open up like she had done with him. She was done being patient. Done with the acceptance and short answers.

"Say something." He whispered. "Please."

"I don't know what I can say."

"Anything. Tell me you love me, too. Tell me to fuck off, I don't know just—"

"I missed you so much." She cried, reaching for him. Too weak to carry on with the anger and fighting. She fell into his arms, finally home again.

"God." He sighed, burying his face in her hair and holding her tightly. "I missed you, I missed you. I'm so sorry."

He carried her to the couch, laying her down and cuddling her. Holding her like he'd been wanting to all day. For the past few weeks. He felt like he was whole again.

Until, after what felt like hours, she spoke, "This doesn't mean we're back together."

He reared back a little, looking at her face. "Tell me what this means, then."

He needed it out in front of him. In black and white. He needed to know how to reach her again.

"I don't know how to trust you." She sniffled. "I appreciate everything you just said but it all came from a place of mistrust. You hid so much from me and... I look at you and all I see are the secrets you kept. That you're still keeping from me."

"I'll tell you everything. Day by day."

"You've said that before."

"Tonight." He pressed on.

"You have to earn me back, Harry. I'm not ready to let you in again, but I'm willing to try. I feel so much for you. I'm not ready to tell you exactly how I feel. Not until you've proven to me that you'll change and I feel secure again."

"That's a very reasonable ask. Thank you."

"This is the only chance I'll give you." She warned. "I can't go through that again. If you fuck up, we're done. That's it."

"Okay, little V."

Her heart clenched at the nickname. "Thank you."

"I can't promise that things will be less dangerous." He ran his fingers through her hair. "But I will be working harder and longer to keep you safe. I'll get to the bottom of it."

"I'm scared of that but being without you hurt more."

He sighed, his face lulling into her neck. "Scarlett."

"Snail's pace, okay? We're both fragile, let's be gentle with each other."

He appreciated that she acknowledged his pain, too. No matter how much of it was his own undoing.