Die for You

Chapter 20

What the hell did Becky want? That was another important question. It seemed strange to me that all this happened after Amanda appeared back in my life; that she would start being nice to me and then kiss me after she found out I was gay. 

Was I just some kind of fucking experiment, despite her words? Was this just something she'd wanted to get out of her system, a chance to mess around? Was she just looking for a quick fling?

Was she simply trying to use me to dabble with her sexuality, before she went back to the business of hunting for the ideal boyfriend ready for the big wedding her parents, no doubt, wanted?

Was I making too much of something that was very, very simple?

Yes, she is attractive. Yes I am attracted to her, why not see where things go? Even if it was an experiment, it didn't mean it couldn't be fun for both of us. Neither of us had to get hurt if neither of us are really that serious. Besides, in private, things were different between us already. 

I can't even say with any certainty that she had changed towards me after Amanda appeared. After all, weren't there signs of her warming to me even after we got back to the apartment following that chase?

Jesus, it's fucking scary to think about, but in only three days, she'd well and truly burrowed herself in and made herself at home, so what difference would a bit of friendliness make?

Oh fuck it, I don't really know anything anymore. Perhaps things are simple, perhaps they are complicated. Either way, I had to make that choice all over again, follow James' advice or remain professionally distant.

Not for the first time in my life was I happy that I was swimming, happy that I could lock myself away with my thoughts and analyze everything carefully. Weigh up the pros and cons like this was any other mission; look for the weak areas where I could get hit and hurt by the enemy; decide upon the right approach.

In the silence of the cold pool, I made my decision. I could be friendly, then maybe see if anything else occurred. Worse comes to worst, I'll get James to take me off this duty. Worse comes to worst, I'll simply resign before anyone gets hurt; emotionally or physically.

___

After about ten more minutes of working my way back and forth through the cold and silent water, I reluctantly hauled myself to the edge of the pool and climbed out; grabbing my towel and rubbing myself down quickly. I looked back into the pool for my training partner, only to find her sat on a nearby bench, obviously showered and changed, smiling back at me.

"Good swim? You were in there ages," she said, looking me up and down.

"I thought you were planning to join me."

"Fuck that, Freen," she said pointing at a large wood and glass thermometer that was attached to the side of the pool. "Did you not see how fucking cold that water is before you dived in? There's not a damn chance you'll get me in there; not when there's a warm shower and a change of clothes waiting in my room."

"Your loss," I told her, "the water was great, a bit chilly, but exhilarating especially after that run. You should have tried it, gets the heart racing; makes you feel alive."

I looped the towel around my neck and walked over to the pool hut where I'd got changed, bending over to grab my hoodie from the bench next to my gym bag where I'd left it. As I stood, I felt the heat of a warm hand touch the bare part of my back where the figure-hugging material of my racing swimsuit didn't cover the soft skin. 

Delicately, I felt a finger softly trace the line of my spine, sending tingles through my nerves and then shivered slightly as warm breath flowed like water across the back of my neck.