Die for You

Chapter 18

"Must have been a good kiss goodnight to have smeared your lipstick like that, Blondie," He laughed at my now frantic movements.

I flicked open the compact mirror I got from my pocket and took a look at myself reflected in the tiny oval of glass. He was right, I did look a mess. I'd pretty successfully removed the lipstick on my cheek, if it was ever there, but my own was looking a real mess; smudged and smeared, a legacy of something I'd be better off pretending never happened.

"She's just a bit confused, James, that's all. She's just a bit emotional still with everything that's happened over the last few days. You know how that goes, we've all seen it. I'll sort it out."

He leaned back in his chair with one eyebrow raised.

"Don't James, really; just don't. I'll fix it, ok? It was a stupid drunken mistake. We'll talk about it tomorrow and put it behind us."

"You sure about that?"

"I'm positive, boss. It was stupid and unprofessional and it won't happen again."

"How is it unprofessional if she kissed you?"

His lips twisted as he said it, knowing he'd caught me; his face breaking into that trademark cheeky grin. I stared back at him for a second before putting my fingers to my forehead and brushing my hair back, the closest I could come to holding my head in my hands without actually doing it.

"Right, I get it. Can't say I blame you, Blondie. She's a right little stunner, especially with that new hairdo."

I looked up at him in surprise. This wasn't what I was expecting at all. Instead, he's still grinning at me.

"What, you think I'm going to bawl you out for it, or sack you? Fuck, no, Freen. It's pretty obvious that she likes you. Now, whether it's just rescuer's syndrome like you think, or something else entirely, I don't know; but it is there and you're going to have to deal with it. I guess the question I should be asking you is, do you like her?"

"I don't know, James. I mean she is pretty, pretty hot in fact; but she's also been a fucking bitch for most of the time I've known her and, let's face it, that's not been very long. Less than a week actually."

"Answer the question, Freen. It's a simple yes or no. Do you like her or not?"

"Yes, ok... I like her. Gods help me, I like her. I'm attracted to her, of course I am. So fucking what? It's not like it's going to go anywhere is it? Fuck's sake, James, I work for her now and all I can ever be is her CPO. I told you, friendly without being friends. She's just a package so it can't go any further."

"But she's not just a package at the moment, is she, Freen? And this isn't about just being friendly, right? Right now, you have to decide something. You have to decide if you're going to be a stuck up tight-assed soldier, or are you going to give yourself a chance to see where it goes.

Maybe even see where she wants to take it. You know you're probably right, it might have been the drink, or her mental state, or it might have been something else, but if you don't give it a chance, how will you ever know?"

He stood up from his chair and placed a hand on my shoulder, drumming his fingers against my back, absently tabbing out a beat.

"Maybe I'm not the best person to give you advice, Blondie, but all I can say is, I had the same choice to make, in pretty similar circumstances, not too long ago and I went with my gut instinct."

He patted my shoulder, just once, before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

---

An hour or so later, I was on my way up to the control room, my mind still churning through the day's events, when I was surprised by Jenna who was backing out of a side room carrying a tray laden with miniature bottles of booze.