Through The Flames

𝕎𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝔼𝕞𝕦

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I reply.

"You said that before you left too." She mumbles into my neck.

Shit.

I didn't realise me leaving for a few weeks would affect her so much. Eli and the others already told me I'd fucked up majorly and that they were all insanely pissed at me until I told them what I was doing when I was away.

Those whole seventeen days were horrible. Aida didn't stop crying and she was crying for Ev constantly. She even started shouting 'mama' at strangers that had the same coloured hair as Ev and then cried more when she realised it wasn't her.

I tried everything, I even sat and listened to 'all too well' for hours that I can now recite every word but nothing worked. She just cried and I felt helpless and I knew it was my fault.

I took her away from her mother just like Courtney took her away from me and the shit I said the day I left, are words I never thought I'd say. You don't know true panic until you don't know where your kid is but at that moment I failed to realise Ev was feeling the same thing I was feeling.

Something she must have continued to feel for the next seventeen days.

I really fucked up, on a brand new scale.

I fucked up so much that I hurt the one person I never wanted too.

The one person I never wanted to care about but couldn't help but.

That feeling, sitting in the ambulance with her as Eli quite literally was breathing for her, is something I never want to experience again. I sat in the ambulance, just staring at her, trying to remind myself that she'll be okay when my biggest fear was and still is that she wouldn't be.

Her biggest fear is me leaving again but even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Nowhere else would feel like home and not because of the location but because of the one person who wouldn't be there.

"I'm not leaving Ev. Even if you ask me to." I whisper but I can tell she's already passed out based off the slow puffs of air against my neck.

My left hand runs up and down her spine while my right is still resting against her thigh and I can't help but just stare down at her.

How can you not?

Even in a hospital gown, you still can't take your eyes off her.

Or atleast I can't and anyone who can, has ten times the willpower I could ever have.

I know at some point, she's going to get off me but right now, I'm just going to be happy with the fact she's here.

Fuck.

When did I become this person?

I don't hug anyone. Not my friends and rarely even my family. When I was with women in the past, I just left afterwards. Never started a relationship, didn't stay in their bed. I just left because it felt like the only thing I could control.

But for Ev I'd give it up. I'd give up all my control if she asked.

"Dude can you even feel your legs right now?" Turner asks, making me break my gaze away from Ev and over to him.