If only...

16.unexpected

" Are you with me?"
Rose said as she focused on the road

"Hmmm ... yeah, ofcourse"
I said that while trying to focus with her a little

What happened during this vacation, you changed so much?!
Rose said it directly

" Nothing I just think the second semester seems to be more difficult than the first one"

I lied because I had no other choice, what can I tell her, I got drunk and lost my virginity with Sam, the girl that everyone says is an irresponsible person and For her, sexual relations are for entertainment nothing more.
I am ashamed to think about that how can I tell someone!

"Don't worry, we can do it. We will get through this year, no matter how difficult it is"

Rose said that to encourage me. She is a very positive person and really good friend.
She treats me like her little sister even though I am only a few months younger than her. Since I got to know her she treats me very kindly and I can confidently say that I am very lucky to have her in my life.

We arrived at our favorite restaurant, it's a small restaurant but it serves very tasty meals.
After we finished our meal, Rose dropped me to my house and the day ended with me struggling with my thoughts that made me almost lose my mind.

After days of thinking about that situation and what happened I decided to get over it and try to control myself so as not to put myself in such a situation again. I must not let Sam see how weak and in love I am because it seems that it bothers her, so that is how I feel. Doomed in advance to remain a secret I keep to myself.
No one should know what happened between us or how I feel for her.
And this is what actually happened after that situation, and Sam's incomprehensible reaction, i began to work to ignore my desire to look at her or search for her.

Yes, I miss her, but I have to think about my dignity a little, so I was content with just looking at her when I was sure that she would not see me, and when I saw her walking on a path I changed my path so as not to meet her because my heart would not bear another situation that makes me sure that my negative thoughts are real.
It went on like that for about two weeks until something I didn't expect happened.

One day, after our lectures at the university ended, My phone rang and when I saw the name of the caller, I was shocked and did not know what to do so I decided to go quickly to a place where no one would notice my miserable condition, so I stood in the balcony of the classroom and closed the glass door of the balcony until No one hears me, I hesitated to answer the call, but I couldn't stop myself because I was missing her so much in spite of everything.
I picked up the phone and did not dare to say anything and waited for her to say something.

"Hello tiny, how are you?"

Sam said that, which made me startle and my heart began to beat quickly. I miss hearing her voice so much. More than a month and a half passed without hearing her voice.

"fine ... I am good"
I said that and I could barely speak as my voice disappeared from the tension

"ok, but why is your voice so faint?"

" I ... i had a ... a cold"
I said that after being silent for a few seconds trying to find a suitable lie

" and how are you now?"

" Better"
I didn't lie when I said that because I really got better at hearing her voice after I lost hope that she would talk to me again.

" that's good, so can I take you out for dinner tonight?"
I felt like my heart exploded when she said that, and I didn't know what to say. She shocked me with her offer.