Teen Drama

Chapter 31

He's hit me with this so unexpectedly that I cannot get my body to react in any way. I don't know if it's the shock or the residual bruising from him wounding me, but I am like a statue. The intimacy of having his face pressed to mine, his eyes closed. The taste of his mouth and the heady smell of his natural scent and aftershave, as enjoyable as they are, don't motivate me to move an inch. Before tonight I would have given anything for him to kiss me, but I can't.

Dane pulls back after a moment, aware I don't respond, and it's written all over his face for the first time. Dropping his hand to hang by his side, we stand a foot apart without contact. A real show of his inner feelings that he normally shields so well. A hint of fear that we're truly not okay anymore. He doesn't understand my lack of returning his affection. Given I am the one who kept pushing for it. Whatever his plan was about pushing me away, it seems to have evaporated completely.

"Why did you do that?" My voice croaks as the childish question tumbles out, yet I focus on his eyes in the dark room, sparkling insanely due to their pale color. My senses are scattered, and I can't believe he willingly kissed me. He only added more confusion to my already scrambled thoughts.

We can't see one another in complete detail, but our eyes have adjusted enough to make out his expression cast in shadow. I can see his features and his face's tightness as he tries to keep control of his overall expression. I don't know what I am reading in his face because he is trying to shield it. Dane shakes his head as though he doesn't know the answer to what he just did. As though it was purely impulsive.

"We used to just..... fight and be okay.... Take some time apart, then act like nothing happened. But lately...... things have changed, and this stuff is serious. I know we shouldn't be like this, but there's a paralyzing fear in me that this might be the breaking point for us...... I'm scared of losing you."

I stand stock still, my head and heart rioting with chaos and emotion, and swallow down the lump forming there. Without truly explaining what he means, I think I get it. We crossed a line by admitting feelings. Being receptive to them opened a can of worms; we can't just brush things off anymore and act as we did before. Real hurt is happening between us, and his fear that I truly end up hating him is reigning supreme. It's not a game now. We both know there's deeper emotion between us. If I ever doubted I mean something to him, then this is the proof I matter more than I ever believed.

"I swear, Kayla.....I did nothing tonight. I'm sorry for being a jerk...for saying that shit. I didn't mean it." He lifts his hand as though to brush my hair back, then halts midair, realizing what he's doing, and puts his hand back down. "My head's a mess....I could ignore this before and push it aside. I could get by telling myself it was a one-sided juvenile crush. Only now..... I am so aware of how much everything I do can make you despise me. It feels different."

Dane is floundering. Tension all over him with his rigid posture and furrowed brow. He's oozing an agitated aura, and I can feel the sincerity coming through his words. It doesn't help my confusion and chaotic feelings.

"So what are we supposed to do?" I finally break my silence and step forward with the impulse to lean my head against his chest. Overcoming my weird numbness and craving for some normal between us. Needing his touch and not caring about possible rejection. How he's being in this moment tells me he won't push me away, and I take advantage of it. I curl up, needing reassurance, and Dane relaxes. I feel his body soften, and he exhales before sliding his arms back around me and hugging me in. Enveloping me to fit my curves to his hard lines. "I don't want to keep feeling this way," I murmur, sounding vulnerable, and he sighs again. With some weight to it this time, he leans his chin on my head.

"If I could take it all back and go back to before, I would. For both our sakes." He gives me another squeeze before sliding his hands up to my upper arms and pushing me back so he can look at me. Keeping us connected as I loosen my arms around his waist. I lean back enough to gaze at his taller height.