lying is the most fun // Ryan Ross

I miss him (15)

I talked to Molly the second I was off the phone with Ryan. "Molly. I really said that. I said that me and Ryan would have kids together in the future. He didn't even respond how he usually would, he just said he had to go." I sat on the couch with her. "Well maybe he was just busy." Molly shrugged. "Molly we promised we would get back together. I mean what if he doesn't like me anymore." I looked down. It had finally hit me that I was still in love with Ryan. "I'm sure he does." She got up to grab food from the fridge. "I'm just going to make things easier for myself and stop talking to him all together." I really was. I didn't block his number, but I thought about it. That might be going to far though. "Why would you do that?" Molly looked shocked. "I don't know. Makes things easier. I don't have to think about it." I shrugged. "I have killer news by the way." Molly said and handed me a popsicle. "Ok?" I laughed. "I have a date with Jon tomorrow !" She said excitedly. "Really? Oh my god!" I was happy for her. "Yes! I'm so excited." She smiled. "What are you gonna wear?" I asked her. "I'm not sure yet" she responded. "Well you have to think about it! This is a big deal." I grabbed her hand and pulled her into her room. Then picked out an outfit for her. "This one." I said and sat it down on the bed. "Absolutely not." She responded. "Absolutely yes." I laughed. "God fine." She laughed too.

The next day I woke up and Molly was already gone, she left me a text though telling me that she was out with Jon. I was bored out of my mind. I didn't have any friends besides Molly. I didn't have a boyfriend. I was seriously alone. "Hey Spencer!" I said calling my brother. "I'm bored." "Don't you have friends to call when you are bored?" Spencer laughed. "No actually. My only friend is Molly, and you. Even though you are my brother." I laughed too. "Call Ryan." Spencer said. "He's not my friend. I don't care for him." I said to him then walked over to my kitchen. "We'll do you want me to come pick you up and we can go somewhere, like to get lunch or something." Spencer responded to me. "Yes please!" I said happy. "Ok fine." He responded. "Alright I'll be there soon." Spencer responded. Spencer came and picked me up and I walked outside. "Hey sister." Spencer said as I got in the car. "Hey Spence!" I said and put my seatbelt on. "Where are we going?" I turned and looked at him. "There's a good restaurant in the city." Spencer said and started driving. "Ok that works." I smiled. "Hey D, I'm glad you are getting out of the house again." Spencer was still driving. "I was worrying you know. I didn't know what to do. I was upset cause I didn't know what to do. I always know how to help." Spencer was still talking to me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't realize how much I was worrying everyone. "I'm sorry Spencer." I felt bad. "No don't worry, don't apologize please. I was just worried. I don't want you to feel bad. I'm just saying, I'm glad you are going out again." Spencer pulled into the restaurant. "I'm still sorry." I got out of the car. "No don't be. You didn't do anything. You lost a baby." Spencer said to me as we sat down at the table to order. "I still haven't processed it." I whispered. "I know." He made that "sorry" look in his face. "I just wish nothing happened." That's when the waitress came over to take our order. We ordered and then went back to talking. "Spencer I decided to stop talking to Ryan all together." I took a sip of my drink. "Why?" Spencer looked at me, confused. "Better for my mental health." I shrugged, "I love Ryan, I do. I just don't want to be reminded of what happened." I looked down. "I get it. But you love him D. He loves you. Plus you almost had a kid together." Spencer responded. "I know, that's the issue. The kid." I shrugged. After lunch I went back to my house and Molly was home. She was telling me about her date with Jon. "And then he kissed me!" She was so happy. "I'm so happy for you!" I said hugging her. This made me miss my boyfriend. God I can't think about that, I cannot miss Ryan. "Thank you, I think he actually likes me." She smiled. "I'm sure he does babe." I kissed her cheek and went into my room. "Goodnight Mols!!" I yelled from my room. Then shut my door, silently crying the second I shut it. I want Ryan. God I want Ryan. I cried, texting him.

DELILAH: Ryan, can I call you?

RYAN: "Yeah."

I called Ryan, I didn't say anything at first. "Ryan.." I whispered. "Delilah." Ryan whispered back. "I just wanted to hear your voice." I teared up. "Here's my voice D." Ryan responded. "Ok." Tears fell from my eyes. "D, look, I'll call you later okay. Get some sleep. It's late." Ryan said to me. "No Ry, you cannot call me later." I was crying. "Why?" Ryan responded. "Cause Ryan, it hurts to much." I was really crying now. "So that's it huh? That's all? It's done?" Ryan was shocked. You could tell. "I'm sorry." I hung up.

I miss him. But it has to be over.