Losing you ; Joel Miller

vii. Too kind for this world

[2013]
EDEN

The wind howled aggressively outside, rain smattering on her window. Darkness enveloped her, welcomed her in like an old friend. Eden's fingers trailed over the scar on her palm, reminding her of a time she wished to forget.

     " Hey... you ok?" Cassandra's voice was filled with sleep, her hand moving to intertwine their fingers. " I'm fine... just nightmares" Eden mumbled out, eyes still fixed on the apartment window. Cassie sat herself up, kissing Eden's bare shoulder before pulling her down into bed.

     " What was it about?" The brunette asked, her dark grey eyes reminding Eden of the storm outside. The question made Eden stiffen, her eyebrows furrowing as she went quiet. Shaking her head softly, she positioned herself to be big spoon, pulling Cassie closer as she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

     The first thing Eden heard when she woke up was pounding at the door. She groaned in protest as Cassie pulled away from her to answer it.

     " Oh... hello" Cassie's confused expression made Eden sit up, wondering who on Earth was insane enough to come and try to break down her door at six in the morning. " Uh... is Eden here?" The rough voice made her eyes widen.

     Joel seemed uncomfortable, his broad shoulders tense as he had unwillingly gotten into a staring competition with the short brunette. When Eden got to the door, her brows tugged together as she stared quizzically at the man. She hadn't seen him in three years.

     Cassie turned to her, eyes questioning. Eden didn't look back, watching the man she once thought was a friend... maybe even something more.

     Joel's gaze moved from Eden, to Cassie, to the flannel Cassie was wearing, before landing on the small red marks on the brunette's neck. He coughed awkwardly, eyes darting to the ceiling " could we talk? ...Alone?"

     Eden let out a sigh, sending her... whatever they were, an apologetic look. Cassie huffed, turning around to busy herself with something else. They now stood alone in the old hallway, Eden's arms crossed as she waited for him to talk. " Who was she?" Joel grunted out, coping her body language. " None of your business." Eden signed back, lips pressed into a thin line. " Why was she wearing my shirt?-"

" She is wearing my shirt, and again, it's none of your business." Blood boiling, Eden straightened her back and met his eyes. " Now cut the shit Miller, why are you here?"

Joel sighed, his eyes fell to the ground in defeat. " Look, I'm sorry for botherin' you- it's just that- Tommy is planning on leaving the QZ, and you're probably the closest to him right now... I was just hopin' you could talk some sense into him."

" Tommy is leaving the QZ?" Eden questioned, eyes narrowing in confusion. Joel's jaw tightened, confirming her with a nod. " Something to do with the fireflies, thought you knew cause..." he winced, looking like he had just touched a sore spot. Eden felt it too, lips pursing awkwardly as they stood in silence.

[2010]

Desperate knocks at her apartment door pulled Eden out of the book she was currently reading, her eyebrows furrowed together as her bare feet padded against the floor. Her eyes went wide when she saw Joel, face so busted up she almost didn't recognise him " What happened?" She exclaimed with worry, hand finding his to pull him inside. " Left Tommy's and got caught after curfew, I'm fine." He grunted out, wincing as he sat down in the kitchen. The mention of his brother left a bitter taste on his tongue after their previous fight.

She inhaled sharply, inspecting the damage. " Stupid" she scolded in ASL, pressing the back of her hand to her forehead in the letter v.

Joel, gently took her shaking hands in his, deep eyes searching for her. " I'm fine, sweet thing, just need a bit of fixin'. Can you do that for me?" Eden sighed, giving him a small nod. " I don't like seeing you hurt." She admitted with an exhale, a small frown etched onto her features.

Joel hissed when she cleaned his wounds, the troubled expression never leaving her face. Her soft fingers gripped his chin to keep his face tilted upwards. Digging his nails into his skin, he tried to calm his breathing.

" Gonna get wrinkles if you keep worryin' bout me." Joel quipped softly, earning an amused huff from Eden. Joel watched her work, he would never admit it, but he thought Eden looked angelic, even with the dark bags under her eyes and blonde hair messily pulled back in a ponytail.

Under the time she had lived with him, Joel had grown comfortable with her presence. Nowadays his apartment felt empty and he unknowingly yearned for her to fill that space. He didn't know why, but her soft touches and gentle eyes drew him in. Joel had been so sure that the person he was seven years ago, had died with his daughter. But Eden had a way of making him feel like the world never ended, that he was him again. She was more powerful than drugs and alcohol, addictive in her own way. Her touch let him for a second, forget that he was a bloody mess in her kitchen.

" I'm done..." Eden's soft voice lulled him back to reality. Joel isn't sure if he will ever get used to her speaking with him. It started soon after he had gotten comfortable with ASL, only happening when they were alone. Each time feeling as special as the first.

Joel cupped her cheek, staining her pale skin with his blood, tainting her. " You're too kind for this world... you're too kind to me" he muttered out, gaze falling to her lips. He frowned when he noticed she still looked troubled, tilting his head as though he was asking her what was wrong.

" I'm joining the fireflies." His body stiffened, hand pulling away as though she burned him. " What?" Eden cradled herself, eyes refusing to meet his, " Tommy asked me this morning, they needed more medics... I accepted."

Suddenly, Joel stood up, hand moving to his face as he processed the information. " Why?" The tone in his voice broke her, he sounded so betrayed. " You know what they did to me Joel- I want FEDRA out. Who is supposed to protect me if the government refuses to do it?"

" I will! I will fucking protect you!" Joel snapped, catching the way Eden flinched as he raised his voice. " I'm sorry-" he instantly apologised with regret, trying to move closer to her, but Eden kept the distance, her eyes wide and gaze fixed to the floor. He stared at his blood on her face, the silence killing him.

" I want you to leave." She signed, not looking up at him. " Eden-" he stopped when she held her hand up, tears forming in her eyes as she pointed at the door silently.

That night, Joel had stumbled into Tess' arms, hoping to numb the pain that drugs and alcohol couldn't.