Purge (Larry Stylinson au)

Chapter 8

A/N 

TW: this chapter has some discussion of suicide/thoughts of wanting to die. If that is at all triggering for you, please please please stop reading. Skip ahead. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable or that could trigger you.

I love you all, keep yourselves safe loves <3

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Harry wakes like he does most mornings: to the wailing cry of a baby. He quickly opens his eyes and turns over on the ground to where Darcy's laying beside him, nestled in a makeshift bed of jackets.

"Shh, baby it's okay," he coos, picking her up and holding her close. She continues to cry, mouthing at his chest. Harry pulls up his shirt with his free hand and Darcy immediately latches onto him, quieting down as she begins to feed.

"Every time," Liam chuckles, watching them from where he had been sitting. He's wide awake and sharpening one of his knives. He had been on the last watch of the night and had clearly been keeping himself busy by maintaining his weapons.

"What?" Harry chuckles slightly, voice groggy from sleep.

"I swear, mate, she's always hungry."

Harry looks down at his baby, grinning. "Takes after her dad," he says, referring to how Louis always complained about the lack of good food on missions.

"More like her Uncle Niall," Liam replies, smirking fondly. "That man would marry food if he could."

"Got a problem with that?" Niall asks sleepily from his spot on the ground. He rubs his eyes and sits up. "Geez, talk a bit louder, why don't ya. I don't think Zayn heard you."

Zayn just groans, head buried under his jacket. He's awake, but in typical Zayn fashion, he doesn't want to admit it until he absolutely has to be up.

Eventually though, he and Niall both get up, starting to pack up their camp. For breakfast they'll eat the protein bars they have in their bags from the last town they visited a week ago. As they walk through the forest, they'll hunt for their second meal, most likely the only other food they'll eat that day.

Harry runs dry before Darcy finishes feeding again, and guilt stabs in his heart as she begins to whine, wanting more.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry," he says gently, burping her. "I'm trying, love. We're really trying to find enough food, but it's just hard right now. I love you, though, I love you darling."

"I can carry her this morning, Haz," Niall says, holding out his arms.

"Thanks Ni," Harry breathes out, relieved. Darcy's beginning to get heavy. She's almost a month and a half now, and he's exhausted. His friends have been incredible though. They're always offering to carry her while they walk, and comfort her when she's not hungry but still fussing, and they'll change and wash her nappies too. They do their best to make it easier for Harry, and they've never complained once about the fact that Darcy keeps waking them up in the middle of the night and early in the mornings.

There are some things they just can't help with though. Like food. It's just as Liam said: Darcy's almost always hungry. At least when she cries. And Harry's her only source of food. He's not getting enough to eat himself, however, and it means that he's not producing enough milk for her. He's terrified that he's hurting her and starving her, but there's nothing he can do about it. Every time they find a town, they sneak into a store to get food and supplies, but every town they come to is already occupied by Purge troopers and they can never stay long enough to recover.

When he can find it, Harry buys formula that he puts in a little bottle for Darcy but there's never much of it in stores and it never lasts long. He's tried to mush up a bit of the cooked squirrels and rabbits he and the other lads have been eating to feed her, even though he knows that's not very healthy for her since she's so young. She doesn't want it though and spits it up all over him every time he's tried to give it to her.