State Of Grace

Chapter 15 - Dear John

"What?" Gracie asked, holding her hands.

"Falling in love with you," she sealed her declaration with a kiss.

The house was dead silent as the Tuckers slept, but Gracie lay awake, dreading what tomorrow would bring. Hours, maybe days of sitting in a courtroom listening to John accuse her of unimaginable lies. But she wasn't squeaky clean either. After all, she was always lying about something; her self-harm, her secret girlfriend, her fake boyfriend. Tossing and turning wasn't doing her any good, so she crept downstairs to the kitchen for some herbal tea in the hopes it would relax her tense body and catastrophizing thoughts.

"Oh," Gracie walked into the kitchen to find Lilah sitting at the kitchen table, with a pot of tea already prepared, "I didn't think anyone else was awake," she caught a glimpse of the clock on the stove, which said it was three a.m.

"You couldn't sleep either?" Lilah asked, pouring Gracie a cup of tea. Gracie shook her head and sat down with her foster mother. "Gracie, are you sure you can handle this trial? Janice said you don't have to be in the room until you testify."

"Yeah, I'm sure." She knew that the trial had the power to make her fall apart, but it was a risk she had to take. "I can't let him think he's gotten to me. I won't give him the satisfaction. Plus, it's my case, I need to know everything that's said in that courtroom," as much as she was apprehensive about tomorrow, she couldn't imagine sitting around for hours on end waiting for a verdict.

Lilah had tears in her eyes as she reached out for Gracie's hands, "You've come so far, I'm incredibly proud of you."

"Have I come far?" She asked herself, "Would Lilah still be proud if she knew just how deceitful I can be?"

Stella parked outside the courthouse, and she and Lilah turned to the girl in the back seat who hadn't said a word all morning, "Are you ready?" Stella asked.

Gracie replied with a simple nod and got out of the car. Her legs felt like jelly as she walked into the building, but she did her best to walk with purpose and held her head high on the way into the small office that adjoined the courtroom. When they met with Janice, she looked confident too.

"We've covered all our bases," Janice said, "I'm confident that he'll be convicted."

Gracie barely paid attention, instead, she stared out the window and watched as people filed into the building. She couldn't help but wonder how many other people would be going through something similar, was there another kid somewhere in the courthouse about to face their attacker? Would they win their case? And if they did, would it feel like a win? They'd still have to live with what happened to them, just like Gracie would have to live with what John did for the rest of her life.

"How long do you think this will take?" Lilah asked, "I just want Gracie to be able to focus on the good things in her life, to move forward."

"I'm fairly hopeful that we can get to conviction by this evening, but there's a chance it might go on until tomorrow, possibly longer. It all depends on what John's defense throws at us. But again, we're prepared."

"Gracie," Lilah walked over to her foster daughter, "Honey," Gracie turned to face her, "I have to ask again, are you sure you want to be in there? You could even testify remotely from right here in this room if you wanted to."

"I told you, I won't give him the satisfaction," Gracie spoke up after a morning of complete silence, "I want to look him in the eye when he faces up to what he's done. I want him to see what he's done to me so that he never does it to anyone ever again."

Gracie thought she would feel the same way she felt when she woke up that morning, terrified, and far too anxious for this, but instead, all she felt was rage and a hunger for justice, and this was the way to get it.