Miss, Do I Know You?

38 - Tuesday, April 20

When he disappeared back into the living room, Alex's warm hand rested on my back, radiating a comforting heat. Her lips, soft and gentle, fleetingly brushed the side of my head. Her touch seemed to understand my uneasiness, her kiss a promise that there was nothing to worry about.

After a brief moment of hesitation, I made the decision to put my discomfort aside and sank into the embrace of the couch. The three of them filled the air with conversation and laughter, gradually chipping away at the subtle tension that had settled in the air like a heavy fog.

As the evening wore on, it slowly began to find its footing, though I could still feel a lingering uneasiness between Owen and myself. I felt like the odd one out, my presence an eyesore. Alex and Gabi had become like family to me, but Owen seemed to amplify the yawning chasm of our differences. In the way he looked at me from time to time, it was obvious he viewed me merely as his student and hadn't expected me to be there.

An idea to escape to Benji's room and spend time with him instead came to mind. But before I could make it a reality, he had already appeared before me with a beaming smile. He snuggled his little body against mine, laying his head in my lap and draping a blanket over himself as my hand unconsciously ran through his curls, gently caressing the side of his head.

Alex's gaze fixed on us, shimmering with a thousand unspoken worries, as if she was haunted by the fear of what Benji might say. I wished with all my might that I could just sweep away our concerns and somehow undo the twisted web of our situation.

From what I knew, Alex had instilled in Benji from a tender age the importance of privacy. But he was still a kid, we knew that. We didn't want to pressure him to lie for us but rather take in mind the need for discretion. And it seemed like he understood. He simply lay there, silently listening to our conversations.

But something about the situation still made my gut twist with unease. The balance and stability of our lives felt as fragile as a soap bubble—one misspoken word, one misplaced gesture, and everything could shatter into a million tiny pieces. My mind raced with the dire consequences that could arise and potentially rob Alex of her job and us of our happiness.

Though we were in the same room, it somehow felt as if we were miles apart. Usually, she would snuggle up beside me, her warm hand entwined in mine, or rest her head on my lap, her soft hair idly tickling through my fingers. Now, a sense of restraint hung in the air. The sensation was peculiar, as if we were existing in a foreign place, stripped of our freedom to simply be, instead of in the very house where we could always be ourselves.

All I could do was observe her with bated breath, hanging onto every word she spoke and every movement she made, knowing I must content myself with the simple joy of being near her, and the sweet pain of knowing how strange the situation between us was. I reveled in my own bittersweet delight as my eyes drank in her features, my soul aching with desire to reach out and touch her. I could feel the same yearning emanating from her, but I knew that this moment was all we had.

"Kayla?" Gabi's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "You okay? You've been unusually quiet all evening."

"Yeah, just tired," I said with a gentle smile. "Martha asked me to open tomorrow, so I have to be up before six. I think I'll just head home."

Alex regarded me with a countenance wrought with gentle concern, recognizing that I was uneasy and merely attempting to flee from Owen.

Though he was a good guy, I simply could not bear the weight of the worry that came with being around him. My body, more than three months sober and bereft of its nicotine crutch, was ill-equipped to manage anxiety and intrusive thoughts.