Miss, Do I Know You?

36 - Saturday, March 20

Watching Benji grow before my eyes was a wonderful sensation.

Although it had been a mere half a year since we had first crossed paths, it felt as if we had known each other for lifetimes. He had already grown so much, and his seventh birthday, spent with him, Alex, and Gabi, had genuinely been one of the most amazing days I'd had in a long time, which is a bold statement since all my life consisted of lately were days that were good and only seemed to be getting better.

But amidst the happiness of a day well spent, there still lingered a bittersweet longing within me. There was always one thing missing—I couldn't help but yearn for Alex's touch, her lips on mine, her hands on my skin. The way we kept stealing glances at each other was a strange sensation, knowing that the true nature of our relationship remained uncertain.

"Birthday boy, come sit on this side," Alex barked out instructions as she set up the camera for their yearly photo. But Benji flouted his mom's orders and clambered onto my lap instead, clinging to my hand with a fierce grip. "Okay, that works too. Brie, a little to the right. And Kay, scoot your butt to the left. No, not that much. Leave a little space for me."

As the light on the camera began to flash, Alex scuttled back and settled between us all. When her hand wrapped around my waist, at first I thought it was unintentional, and maybe it was, but then she tilted her head to the side and leaned into me, and it felt like maybe it wasn't.

Seizing any fleeting second to be close to her, I returned the gesture and let my free hand glide along the small of her back and under her jacket, tenderly tracing circles on her velvet-like skin and trying my best to make it through the few seconds that felt like minutes without turning my head to look at her. It was the sweetest and most intoxicating torture, that tingling sensation you get when you're so close, every nerve cell in your body in overdrive but your consciousness trying to play it cool and not make a fool of yourself.

It had been a little over a week since our delicate conversation, and the air between us felt practically unchanged, though we moved with a new degree of caution around each other. We were careful with our words and our gestures, and I had spent most nights at Sophia's instead of at hers, determined to give her the space she needed.

Still, she was the most prominent thought in my mind, and when the flash of light sparked a collective sigh of relief that weaved our glances together, her soft smile and the twinkle in her eye told me it was also true for her. But before I could fully absorb what that meant, the expected chatter of the night resumed and we returned to the warm glow of the fire pit in Gabi's backyard.

My guitar provided the perfect backdrop for the conversations; however, it was little Benji who seemed particularly entranced by the music with his eyes fixed on me. The usual whirlwind of energy that defined the boy was gradually replaced by calmness under the sound, and before long, he was yawning and struggling to keep his eyes open.

Alex lowered herself in front of him, and with his slight nod, scooped him into her arms where he nestled in snugly, winding his arms around her neck and tangling his legs around her waist, while she peppered his face with kisses and elicited giggles that faded only as they disappeared into the house and left us with lingering affectionate smiles.

The night was clearly coming to an end, but it had been a blissful one.

My fingers continued strumming absentminded patterns of whatever came to mind on my guitar to fill the quiet moments as Gabi gathered up the few beer bottles she had emptied. The fire pit lit our faces with an orange glow in the deepening twilight, and the stars were beginning to dot the sky more prominently. The chill in the air didn't seem to bother us, and the gentle breeze rustling through the trees, carrying with it the sweet scent of pine and earth, only added to the inner warmth.