Rings and Hugs and So Much More

03.

Hyunjin's PoV

When I finally had the chance to lay down on my bed, I replayed the happenings of my entire day. And I couldn't help but play once particular scene on repeat.

The scene where Felix was smiling at me when I had hugged him. A slight blush was dusted on his cheeks, probably because of the cold. His smile looked genuine today unlike the times where sadness peeked out of the irises even though a smile was plastered on his lips.

I turned off all the lights, except the small lamp on my bedside cabinet. I lighted a scented candle to help me fall asleep. But before that, I filled in my daily journal which was suggested to me by my therapist. Ten years older but still understood the pains of a young heart (this is his quote, not mine - he sucks at his job).

I put it inside my journaling box and locked it. I turned to the other side and slowly, drifted into sleep.

ʚ♡ɞ

"Ma, get up. Please wake up, please."

"I will sing for you, Ma. Please wake up."

"Ma don't leave me alone. Please, please, please. Come back."

"I promise to be the best boy. I will be your loving prince, Ma. You will be the queen and I will be the little young prince just like in your stories."

"PLEASE MA!"

~

I was standing in front of my mother's newly dug grave. I lay down her favourite white lilies on top of her grave. Yeji, my same-year-born cousin, came running and gave me a hug. And that was all that took me to cry out all my emotions.

I was fifteen, big enough to handle natural matters like death. But it was my mother. My shining beacon on a dark night. My unpaid therapist. My defender. My everything.

I still had Pa but Ma was special. She understood better. She empathised better. She was just overall a better parent than Pa.

~

"HWANG HYUNJIN! What do you think you are doing?! Your grades have dropped, you hang out with friends who are influencing you badly AND NOW YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME! You- you blame ME for your panic attacks, your- your depression? You are grounded - no, I won't listen to any of your rubbish excuses. Your mother always defended you but now you have grown up, you ought to be responsible."

The rest of his words went on top of my head as the last sentence played on repeat inside my head. My father was enraged at me. And I just stared at him with milk blind eyes.

No wonder my parents fought every week.

No wonder it was because of me.

Sorry Ma. I disappointed you.

ʚ♡ɞ

I woke up, sweating a bit, as I dismissed the 4:45 a.m. alarm.

Right, Beomgyu was coming back. I would no longer have to suffer from these. He could sing me lullaby like usual, that is why he slept in his own dorm room and not Taehyun's.

I sighed, and got up to freshen up. Then, a cup of coffee and I was ready to handle any level of chaos and broken humour from Beomgyu and his four other friends.

After having a mini-nap of fifteen minutes, in came the anticipated group and I was wrapped in the arms of Beomgyu (and Taehyun 'cause he can't let his man hug anyone else, even his roommate).

"Hello batch of unruly kids and Yeonjun-hyung."

"Hello grumpy ferret. Nice to meet you after a month long vacation. How's everybody else?" Yeonjun asked after laying himself down on the sofa.

"Everybody's good, everyone's back. Oh, and Soobin, you missed BTSCM yesterday," I replied back as I served some water and snacks to the guests since Beomgyu conveniently went away to have a bath. Soobin just replied with an 'okay' and continued sleeping on Kai's lap. That guy should seriously carry his own pillow around.

The morning included of six of us talking about the group's trip together to Japan and I told them how much I would now miss the peace and quiet enveloping the college during the vacation. I didn't go anywhere except visiting Yeji's house and played with Kkami who now lived with them.

Finally, Yeonjun, Soobin, Kai and Taehyun left us alone. Beomgyu and I went to the café to check on Jeongin and Felix and Chan decided to tag along. We all had a nice time and Jeongin got to take an hour off due to Chan's influence over the people in the college.

Since Jeongin has been working since morning, Chan took the opportunity to 'feed him because he must be tired'. Me and Felix secretly shared a glance, knowing Chan's actual intentions. The five of us had a nice lunch. Beomgyu and Jeongin talked about their next gaming marathon, Felix and Chan talked about his trip to Australia. I joined in here and there.

That was what happened all the time. I was everybody's friend and no one's friend at the same time. I was present during conversations but my presence was not felt. Chan had Seungmin and Minho to share his troubles with, Jeongin shared his with Felix or Seungmin, Changbin and Felix were each other's comfort place and Minho and Jisung were boyfriends so that's a different story.

I never really had anyone except Ma to share my troubles with because I always acted like the carefree guy.

"Hyunjin, are you okay? You seem a bit down," Felix asked, concerned. He must have noticed so I just waved it off and shoved a mouthful of kimchi before he could ask me anything else. He didn't look convinced and for once, I was happy someone at least noticed.

ʚ♡ɞ

Chan and Beomgyu stayed back at the café so it was just Felix and me as we walked around the campus. We held hands because Felix's hands were cold and I left him my scarf to keep him extra warm. He was like a baby you automatically felt to take care of.

How would it feel like to have him as my comfort haven? Would he listen it till the end and empathise or would he start fishing out advice the moment I spoke a word?

Would he help me out like Ma?

The feeling of someone wrapping their arms around me pulled me out of my thoughts. When I looked down, I was met with a soft gaze and constellations of freckles. I returned the hug and we stayed like that for a few minutes.

"If you ever need to talk, I am here. I am always willing to help you out, Hyunjin."

And with that, he nuzzled deeper into my chest and I let out a sigh. I kept my head on his and whispered,

"Thank you Yongbok."

And I really meant it.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

A/N

My first chapter from Hyunjin's PoV. What do you think?

Also, the fanart above is of I.N. and Bang Chan in case y'all couldn't understand.

Hopefully, I will be able to upload a chapter next week :D