Paper Dolls

Chapter 52

"Wait up," I squeak, earning a glare from a fellow passenger as I push past him to get to the back. The seats are all taken by now and Binna's tucked securely away by the window. I stand by the aisle, staring at her helplessly as she focuses on the road outside. 

When we get back to the dorms I get ready to ask her more questions but she begins packing her bags, setting off alarm bells in my head. 

"Are you moving out?" 

In our four years here, Binna has never once left to her folks place for longer than a weekend. But here she is, piling outfit after outfit. It looks like she's emptying out her entire wardrobe. 

After a few seconds of silence I can't take it anymore. I grab her wrists to stop her, my body shaking with fear. A different kind from the life threatening fear I felt on Saturday night. 

"Are you leaving? Are you quitting Firefly?" The words are so absurd, they feel weird leaving my mouth. 

It's like she finally realises I'm there. She lets go of the woollen socks she'd stuffed into the corner of her suitcase and places her hands over it's edges, leaning over as she looks at me. 

"Are you crazy? I'm not going to quit this close to debut." 

A wave of relief washes over me, my muscles loosening like someone just poured a bucket of ice water over my head. 

The corners of Binna's mouth lifts ever so slightly as she notices my reaction. "I'm just going to stay with my parents for the remainder of the week. Think the nerves have finally gotten to me and I can't take it here anymore." 

I frown slightly. She chose to stay at the trainee dorms from day one because she's always loved the idea of us girls living and struggling together. 'Shared misery is shared strength.' 

Those were her words, which is why I find her reason so hard to believe. And she's never had issues with the other girls, not like mine anyway. It causes an itch in my brain, a niggling feeling that she just lied to me. 

Binna continues with her packing and I sit down by our desk, staring at her hopelessly. 

"Did something happen?" I notice she tenses when I say this but doesn't reply.

I scratch my head, trying to figure out when and how this sudden switch in personality happened. Before I know it, Binna's all packed up. She gives me a brief hug that feels like a permanent goodbye before leaving the dorms. 

I half expected not to see her at rehearsals the next day but she came and performed like normal, leaving before I could dig for more information. And that was how the days went by, but we've all been so preoccupied with the performance no one's said anything about her absence. 

It's showtime today and the nervous energy backstage is so palpable I can taste it on my tongue. All of us are dressed up, skin brushed and painted to perfection, glittery make up highlighting our faces, thick foundation hiding our dark circles and fatigue. 

Everything from the soles of our boots, to the necklines of our dresses have been prepped to perfection, each fitting our bodies like gloves. Yiren's outdone herself with our styling this time. All the girls here are more beautiful that I've ever seen them and yet I know everyone is currently a crumbling mess on the inside. 

Kim's just reached for her fourth snack this hour, earning a slap on the wrist from a stylist. Liza has been pacing the room and shaking her hands for the past fifteen minutes, making JinJin snap at her. Rachel's reapplied her lipgloss for the fifth time and Grace keeps stretching unnecessarily. 

I turn to Binna, who is sitting on the couch. Her long black hair reaches her mid back and her face, her make up is flawless, she's easily the most beautiful here. I wonder if Firefly will make her the visual in our group.