Paper Dolls

Chapter 50

Dear Eun Young, 

You look scared. Disturbed. Your face, your expression, I've never seen you look the way you do now. You keep looking around and over your shoulder. But what or who are you looking for?

You saw me. You looked my way and even though I froze so deeply, I could feel numbness all the way to my brain, you looked right through me. 

I don't exist to you, that much is clear. Through the relief I felt, that realisation burned as an afterthought. I am nothing to you. 

I knew that from before. I know you don't know who I am, even though I might just be your biggest consumer. 

I am nothing to you but not that person, the one you keep looking out for. They must mean a lot. Enough to disturb your peace of mind. Your precious alone time where you do your shopping at the local grocery store below your apartment. 

The one place where outsiders aren't allowed. I had to steal and replicate someone's passkey to be able to shop here. 

You come here once a week when off schedule and it's the only time I ever see you so at peace. Sometimes you even smile to yourself while you hold up a sweet potato for inspection. 

But today you haven't smiled once. Was that a tremor in your hand when you swiped your card on the machine by the counter? 

You glanced over your shoulder again. That must be the fifteenth time you've done so since coming in. Now you're looking at the entrance to the main road. 

Who are you looking for Dalia? Who are you afraid of?

I can't help myself. I follow your line of sight to the sheer glass barriers that separate us from the outside world. Everyone's too busy rushing along the crowded footpath, some racing to cross the road now that the little green stick man is blinking on the traffic light. 

No one's watching and yet you keep looking. 

Someone honks outside on the main road and you jump like you've just heard a gun shot. You grab your bags and hurry to the exit that leads to your building. Leaving me behind to wonder what got you into such a state. 

I scan my keycard across the same little black sensor that leads to your apartment building. There's a small cctv camera attached to the far left corner of the ceiling. I keep my head down, my mask firmly over my mouth, covering most of my face. 

There are a few occupants idling in the foyer but you've gone straight to the lifts. I walk to the main entrance, noting the few cameras that sit in all four corners of the building. The red dots that usually signal that they are working are all absent. 

The camera system's down Dalia, did you know that? Did you know that the high end security you pay millions a year for is currently useless?

I do. The maintenance guy let it slip easily when we were having a smoke  last night. 

It's so easy, Dalia. So easy for me to slip into your suite at this moment in time and do things that I've only dreamed of doing for so long. 

You broke my heart. You started dating someone else when you promised to remain mine forever. 

I wonder who will get to you first. The person you're so busy looking out for. 

Or me.