If I Stay✔️

89

"You okay?" Dad's voice broke me from my trance. I turned to him, watching the way his azure eyes roamed my face, lips pinching worriedly.

My own lips lifted, not a smile but close enough. "Yeah," I breathed, shifting my eyes back to the trees once more. The smile was wider this time. "I think I am."

He seemed pleased with that, his frown shifting to something lighter. "Ready to go inside?"

I pondered over that for a moment. As much as I was ready to be here, I wasn't sure if going inside was the wise thing to do right now. The extra cars in our driveway indicated that there was a "welcome party" here to "welcome" me home. I needed to gather myself and my thoughts before being greeted, or smothered, by a bunch of neurotypical people.

At my silence, Dad continued. "We could go for a drive instead? We can go to the lake and feed the ducks, just the two of us?" He offered, no pressure or annoyance, patience coated his tone.

"You've got a whole ass welcome parade and you want to keep them waiting?" I raised an eyebrow.

He didn't seem surprised that I knew this, his expression telling me he'd expected me to question him. He leant back, resting his hip against the car as he stared at me intently.

"I don't care about them waiting, I care about how you feel and what you want. If you want to go to the lake and clear your head, that's what we'll do." He shrugged, twisting his car keys between his fingers. "Just say the word."

I contemplated it, a huge part of me wanted the escape, but then I felt like a coward. Going to the lake was the equivalent of running. I didn't want to run anymore, I didn't want that to be who I was. I wanted to be as strong as everyone kept telling me I was. And I really didn't want to ruin the mood or let anyone down, especially myself.

"No," I blew out a breath and shook my head, surprising Dad once more. He didn't say anything at first, simply stared at me with that same calculating gaze I'd grown used to.

"What if I wanted to go to the lake?" Carter piped in from the other side of the car. My eyes widened, I'd momentarily forgotten he was here, it seemed like Dad did too. "Don't tell me my two almost favourite siblings forgot about pretty little me?"

"Of course not," Dad tried to reassure, but I didn't see the point in lying. I raised my hand, "I did."

"Jeeez, break my heart why don't ya." Carter snarked back, lips puffed into a pout as he crossed his arms over on the roof of the car. "You'd think after sharing a room with me for a week, you'd actually be nicer to me."

I stood on my tiptoes, peering over the roof to grin at him. "Now why would you think that?"

Carter rolled his eyes, but I knew by the way his lips curved to the side that he was just as amused as me. "I take it all back. You're both at the bottom of the favourite sibling pyramid."

"I'm heartbroken," I held a hand over the left side of my chest, holding back a laugh as he climbed back into the car and smooshed his face against the window in front of me, peering up at me solemnly; as if he was the main character in some sappy nineties music video. I leaned closer to the window, enunciating my words. "Truly, Car, I'm devastated."

Somewhat amused, Dad stared between us with a soft smile. It was clear he was confused as to why Carter had gone back into the car, but thankfully -knowing our brothers need to narrate every pointless detail- he refrained from questioning it.