Batman: A Maroon in Midnight Blue (Wattpad Edition)

CH 19.1: Quinn Family Breakout!

The escape from the GCPD was a fuckin' blast!

Picture it: Your amazing protagonist, Dr. Harleen Quinzel has been captured by her enemy! But it's all a rouse to finally free her ally, Jimmy, from the clutches of the evil Commissioner Gordon and his shit-breathed lackey, Detective Bollocks. As she paced patiently around the padlocked prison, Dr. Quinn, medicine woman, awaited the signal from her one true love, Ms. Poison Ivy-Quinn.

Luckily, our amazing anti-villain didn't have long to wait.

"What the fuck!" A male voice screamed.

"It's the green bitch! It's the green bitch!" Another screamed.

Pow! Pow! Pow!

Gunshots rang out through the cells as the desperate squeals of little blue piggies grew louder. Gunpowder and pollen drifted through the air, revving the engine in my Harley as I excitedly bounced up and down.

"Yeah, get 'em, babe!" I called out, not even sure if she could hear me.

Small, green vines began to erupt from between the floor tiles and the bricks in my cell wall. Smiling like a schoolgirl, I rushed over to one and began to caress it tenderly with my fingers.

Trapped in a holding cell tucked away at the side of the building, there was no way for me to see Ivy. I didn't know what kind of badass, comic book nonsense was going on in the main part of the building. But I could imagine it well enough.

A team of riot gear-clad blue fascists appeared out of nowhere, aiming rocket launchers at my love. But she didn't lose a beat! With a snap of her fingers and a sexy lil dance, a long branch of thorns appeared from nowhere and penetrated them all. Their bullet-proof vests gave no resistance against the sharp thorns thrusting into them with the force of...something really, really forceful!

What? Oh, fuck you! Writing is hard and I chose a useful degree, not something stupid like English or Anthropology! Back to my story!

I imagined that after brutally murdering those wannabe nutcrackers, Pammy thought the rest would be easy. She'd just grab a key card off some detective's desk, make her way to where I was, and then we'd fool around in the cell before going to rescue Jimmy. She probably got all hot and bothered, flushed in the face in that cute way she gets whenever I tell a knock-knock joke, and started excitedly looking for a key card.

But then, Batman appeared!

Wait, no, not Batman. The fight would've been too long.

Batgirl appeared!

No, not the redhead. And it wasn't that scary one that doesn't talk, either. It was the other, other Batgirl, the blonde one.

I imagined that Blonde Bat stared down my babe and said, "Not so fast, Poison Ivy!"

And Pammy just scoffed at her, flicked her hair and replied, "Oh, please. You and I both know you're no match for me. Run along back to your cave, little Bat. I'm on a mission of love!"

And the Blonde Bat would be all, "Oh, unh-unh! I'm a super hero! So I'm gonna rescue all these Thin Blue Line chucklefucks that killed peaceful protestors. Cuz that's what heroes do!"

And then they fought! The Blonde Bat tossed out some batarangs—no, wait, she'd toss out something else! Something no other Bat has like...oh! Little pellets full of weed killer! Yeah, Batgirl cooked up some special formula to kill Pammy's plants, and she threw them at Pam's vines and they disintegrated.

"Your old tricks aren't going to work this time, Ivy!" Batgirl would have said.

But my super clever wife would just laugh at her! She'd say, "It's a good thing I have a new trick, then!"

And then she'd pull out a gun!

Wait, no. That doesn't make sense. Pammy doesn't really use guns. Except plant guns. But I've never actually seen a plant gun...ooh! I know what I'm getting Pammy for Hannukah!

Anyway, Pammy wouldn't have pulled out a gun, she'd have brought out some special, rare plant that no one's ever seen before! Because...because it was a plant she invented! Long, long ago, Ivy created some new type of plant to use against the Bats, and she'd been saving it for an occasion just like that.

Ivy would whip out the plant—which was probably some sparkly, colorful orchid or something. And before Batgirl could react, the plant would blow out a cloud of pollen.

Batgirl would stumble and fell to her knees! She'd look up at Ivy with wide, confused eyes and ask, "Wha—what did you do to me?"

And Ivy would have just walked over to her, laid her hand on the girl's shoulder and go, "Shhh....you'll be alright. Just don't fight it. Don't fight the sleep."

Batgirl would resist, because she was a hero and that's what heroes do. But her resistance wouldn't be enough. The freaky plant powder would be stronger than her freaky bat powers. Her eyes would grow heavy, her breathing slow, and then before she'd know it, she'd be on the floor, fast asleep.

Or at least, that's what I imagined. When Ivy met me at my cell, she didn't say what happened and I didn't ask. I just ran from my cell, planted a big-ol-wet one on her, and asked if she missed me.

"Of course I did, babe! Don't do anything like this ever again, okay?"

"No promises!" I declared.

Pammy rolled her eyes, but I noticed the twitch of a smile in the corner of her mouth. I planted another kiss there to tease the smile out more, and it worked! Soon, she was grinning and giggling like there was something wrong with her.

"Hey, you wanna..." I said, looking over to the cell bed.

"No, babe!" she said with a shake of her head, "Don't forget why we're here. We have to save...your brother."

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. I slapped my hands to my cheek, horrified that I could forget something that important. Sure, my wife was smoking and I'd spent far too long away from her, but...wait, what was I thinking about again?

"Harley!" Pammy said, snapping me out of my daze. "Come on, we need to grab Minstrel. I know where they're interrogating him."

And just like that! Dr. Harley Quinn broke out of prison!

Continued in CH 19.2