Batman: A Maroon in Midnight Blue (Wattpad Edition)

CH 15.4: Manifesto

I rose from my seat and left the women to their tea party. Officer Namzmirren was waiting for me at the bottom of the staircase. Seeing his hardened scowl and raised hands, I remembered once again that I had a gun. I raised it up so it was aimed dead for his chest, then tried to put on my most intimidating voice. But the typical white male refused to let me get in a word edgewise.

"Is my family alright?"

I shrugged, "Slowly dying as all things are, but I didn't shoot them if that's what you're worried about."

The pig let out an exhale of relief, "I want to thank you for leaving them unharmed."

I began to descend the staircase, my gun pointed right at him the entire time.

"If I killed them, the backlash on Twitter would be insane."

When I was a step above Namzmirren, I reached out a hand and shoved him to get him out of my way. He took the hint and followed my command, letting me lead him all the way to his nice, floral-pattern couch in front of the television.

"I shot your bitch, though," I confessed.

Namzmirren nodded, "I saw the body on the front porch. She attack you?"

"I don't remember. I just don't like dogs." It was a lie, but I didn't feel like telling the story of our epic battle. But you can check it out at the end of this month's Wonder Twins, available where most comics are sold!

Namzmirren sighed, "I know you feel I deserve that. What happened with the twins was a mistake, one that I regret and will live with for the rest of my life. But you cannot believe that I had any malicious intent against them. The courts have shown that I acted in accordance with my training—"

"That's the problem," I said, "I've had better trained Pokémon."

"He had a knife!"

Minstrel—that is me—shrugged, "And I have a gun."

"What do you want? A confession? I didn't do anything wrong."

I sighed, "See, this is why I didn't want to do this today! You're just making every routine, expected response. There's no variety, no shock factor, and no puns! I'm just going to shoot you dead and that's all? Lame."

I turned to the camera in my head, "Hey everybody, downvote this chapter, the writer's an idiot!"

"I don't know what you want from me! I did what I was supposed to."

I rolled my eyes, "Oh come on! 'I did what I was supposed to.' Nice parallel to Nuremberg there. Come on man, I'm giving you the chance to say something really profound and groundbreaking as your last words. At the very least you could tease 52!"

"If you kill me," Namzmiren began.

"Unfortunately, you mean 'when.'"

"When you kill me," Namzmiren began again, "that's going to be it for you. Right now, all you're really looking at is three counts of kidnapping and assault."

I shook my head, "You forgot inciting a riot."

The look of realization is always so fun to observe. I remember taking Harley to the premier of Empire Strikes Back and watching her completely loose her mind when Vader was revealed to be Luke's father. It was a memory that I'll always treasure, no matter the fact that I wouldn't have been alive when Empire first premiered.

Namzmirren had the same face that my dear friend Harley Quinn did in the theater after hearing James Earl Jones confess to siring Mark Hamill's pasty ass. Eyes widened in shock, a mouth agape in confusion, a neck turning in denial, and a body quivering in dark acceptance.

"You made that shot? The protest was peaceful! Everything was going just fine! Why would you do that? Do you have any idea how much damage and injury you caused?"

"Oh, I already explained this with Du....D-Da Signal." I turned to the camera in my mind again and gave it a look that read, 'can you believe I almost revealed that Duke Thomas is the vigilante formerly known as Robin, briefly known as Lark and currently known as Signal?'

"You're incredible. How is it that you can think yourself some—some kind of hero to Black people when you run around causing damage to them? There were children at that protest! They were teargassed because of you! People died because of you!"

I stayed silent for a long time, a look of reflection across my face. It was entirely fabricated, of course, but such expressions were useful for providing a situation with gravitas.

"Oh gods. Oh Ancestors! I made a loud noise and brought upon the force of the Gotham Police over kind, defenseless Negroes. I-I-I...oh, Mama Christ am I the villain of this story?!"

Namzmirren shook his head, "There's no reasoning with you, is there? You can't reason with stupid."

"Nigga, ya mama stupid!" I spoke. I pulled the gun away from him for a second and shot at a picture of his mom on the far wall. At least, I think it was his mom. It may have been a picture of Trump. Or a clock. I'm not certain.

"Just kill me already! All you're going to do is turn me into a martyr. The cops or Batman will prove that you started that riot, and when it happens, they're all going to see you for exactly what you are. You kill me and I just become a hero."

I nodded, "I'm cool with that. Say goodnight, Gracie."

Ready to finally start his luau, Minstrel placed the barrel at the gun to the back of Namzmiren's head. He regretted using "Say goodnight, Gracie," as his one liner, but felt too awkward to go back and change it. I mean...could I change it, he thought. Nah, he realized, it was better to stick with what he started. He took a deep breath to prepare himself for the shot and—

At that moment, the glass of the front window shattered. Minstrel and Namzmiren shielded their eyes from the blast of shards and didn't uncover their eyes until they were both sure that no more of it flew at them. And that's when I—I mean, Minstrel saw him. Okay ya know what? I'm done with this tongue-in-cheek third person narration bit. Let Deadpool keep that schtick all to himself.

Batman walked into the house. Which is to say he stomped one boot, then another through the window. His neck slightly inclined so that his eyes looked menacingly up towards me. Though slow in movement, he was an imposing figure even from the twenty or so feet away, and just watching him move made my blood run cold.

"Batman!" I shouted as I pulled the trigger. Namzmiren's brains splattered all around us, causing stains that only the power of Pine Sol and their sassy spokesperson could ever even hope to remove, sugar.

"What are you doing here?" I said as I shot Namzmiren's lifeless body again for good measure. Then again, and again and again. The gun soon emptied, and I indignantly threw it straight at the Dark Knight, who was charging right towards me.

Of course, tossing a gun at a charging Batman is about as useful as one would think. He grabbed me, slammed me onto the ground, then slipped a pair of his patented Batcuffs (which I have been assured were NEVER used during a friendly night with Catwoman) around my wrists.

"You get what you want, murderer?" Batman asked.

I looked at Namzmiren's dead body on the floor and shook my head.

"I managed to be the first villain that didn't freeze up when the hero arrived. I'd call that a win, yeah."

End Chapter 15