𝙏𝙄𝙇' 𝙒𝙀 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏. 𝙣𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙮𝙖𝙢

𝙨𝙞𝙭. 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩

Throwing my clothes on the floor & making my way to the showers, i was questioning my womanhood. I've always told myself that no one could simply take advantage of me, that i would only focus on being the best at my work.

As the water crashed onto my body, i found myself aggressively scrubbing my skin trying to rid of the shame & guilt i felt. Blood started rolling down my arms & legs from the loofah, my chest started to tighten & my breathing got heavier from holding in my cries.

The burning pain was a release & my head was quiet for awhile. Letting the water run on my skin, cleansing the deep scratches.

I limped towards my desk feeling disoriented wanting to start my video log but my body pummelled onto my bed instead, "I just wanted answers" i mumbled looking up at my ceiling covered with glow in the dark stars.

--

2 days of solitude. I didn't leave my room, the food was still packed & my clothes were scattered on the floor. Norm occasionally knocked to let me know that Lo'ak would check in to see how i was holding up.

Why would Lo'ak do it & not Neteyam? did he tell his brother about us? does his brother feel sorry for me?

My eyes were heavy & puffy from overthinking, i was getting sick of this boy drama. It was making me neglect my duties, my research, the video log hasn't been turned on in days.

I had to shut it off.

*ೃ༄

I returned to the lab head empty, tuning out the voices that echoed his name. Blank expressions greeted my fellow scientists even though their eyes scanned the scabs on my neck, arms & legs. So i rolled down my sleeves & covered my neck with my hair to avoid further questions.

Norm understood but he was worried. He couldn't change how i reacted & what i did to myself, he figured it was my only coping mechanism considering i have no one else around my age i could confide in.

Static crackled from Norm's headset & that was my queue to leave the labs incase one of the Sully's pop by-

"Norm..we have a problem, its abo-" as the familiar voice cuts off.

I don't want to deal with this today, im not keen on hearing excuses over how i was left empty handed. I bit my lip almost letting it bleed.

Neteyam & Lo'ak marched passed the lab i was in, not even looking in. A small part of me wished he would just come in & try to talk to me but again, nothing. Some of the soldiers & scientists followed after the brothers making this look suspicious.

Looking around in confusion & hesitant to touch another object, my mind drifted back into the destructive thoughts. I stood there like that for 10 minutes trying to pull myself out of it.

I figured that whatever we had, was just a heat in the moment. What was i thinking? i was just another girl, everything happened so fast, it was obviously too good to be true. it was one biG FUCKING LI-

"Ms Pierce! You're needed in the conference room." said a light female tone peeking through the lab's door.

"I'll be there." i replied, fidgeting with my bottom lip.

There was a commotion going on in the conference room. The Chief & soldiers were arguing with the senior scientists, Norm was sitting at the far bench arms covering his head, the brothers looked pale & terrified upon seeing everyone in distress.

Neteyam's eyes leaped over to me as i pushed the door open. Ignoring his gaze, i stood beside the head scientist as he was trying his best to calm the Chief. But Neteyam never took his eyes off me.

Fingers were pointed at one another, foul words were exchanged, the ugly glares at the screen showing a picture of a silver point in the sky from the north. People in the room were growing impatient for an answer.

"There is another ship heading towards Pandora, we cant fight something that could possibly be bigger than us!" one of the soldiers cried out.

"Our readings show that it'll take about a year & a half for this ship to fully land on Pandora. We have time to prepare the necessities!" another scientists shouted.

"We have to wait for my father!" Neteyam said standing up, bringing everyone's attention to him. I could tell that he was disappointed when i was the only one with my head down.

Through out the heated arguments, i only looked around once to find an opportunity to leave this conference room & Neteyam's eyes were still plastered on me with Lo'ak's hands gripping his arm to hold him down.

The silence between us was making me irritated & anxious. I was ready to confront him, but by the room's circumstances it would hard for someone else to not notice. Come up to me Neteyam! say something or at least with your eyes! anything but this.. Please!

I was sure that this was never going to happen, i was making myself feel like a fool for hoping. Aggrieved & heartbroken by it, the strange feeling grew in my chest again & i was overwhelmed.

I wanted to leave this ship & hide somewhere deep in Pandora so no one could find me. My hands folded tightly into my chest, sweat was building & my heartbeats started to get rapid as i hear ringing in my ears.

This was a panic attack.

I glanced onto Norm but his head was still facing down to his knees in shock, Carla was already tearing up from the screams of the soldiers while Lo'ak was holding his brother's arm confused by this chaos. I had no one steady to grab onto & i found myself unable to control my breathing.

I knew i wasn't ready to step out of my comfort space. Suddenly the room started spinning & the ceiling lights were too bright for my vision. I dropped my clipboard gripping my lab coat gasping for air, this made Neteyam's eyes widened in fear.

Before my head hit the cold floor, i heard his voice, "MA'VI! SOMEONE HELP HER!"

*ೃ༄

𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆

Hello my friends,

In this chapter, Violet goes through mental struggles just like us & at the age of 18 this is all still new to her.

I am slightly older than she is & still find it hard at times, but im still here losing myself in poorly written or maybe great stories. I just hope that this chapter wasn't too distasteful to read.

Regardless, I want to let you guys know that if you ever find yourself struggling with depression, anxiety or have troubles opening up to someone, know that this is a safe space.

You are free to express yourself in every way, so please take good care of yourselves & i wholeheartedly love every single one of you guys.

(whoever that may read this)