Leap of Faith

Chapter 3 - Pantora

"It was shortly after we escaped Kamino the first time," Omega elaborates, staring at the ration bar in her hands. If she wants to talk, he's fine with it. He doesn't mind listening, so long as he isn't expected to contribute. That's why he and Tech – no, no, not going there right now. "Tech needed to change the ship's signature, so we wouldn't be found, and we went there. That's when the first bounty hunter came after me. It was... close."

Crosshair, despite his earlier conviction, scoffs. "If Hunter hadn't been so selfish, you would never have gone through any of that."

She stares at him, wide-eyed. "He's not selfish," she splutters.

"If he wanted to protect you," he answers, voice hard, "He would have sent you somewhere where you'd be safe. Away from them. They're soldiers. Fugitives. That's no life for a child."

"He wanted me to go with Cut and Suu," she tells him quietly, "But I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay with him, with them. It's like I told you on Kamino. I didn't have anyone until you four were created. That's why I wanted to find you all again."

She's so... sincere, and Crosshair doesn't know what to make of the revelations that she just dumped on him. Maybe he misjudged Hunter. Maybe Hunter isn't as selfish as he had thought. He remembers, vaguely, when she first met them on Kamino. He had found it strange, that a child would want to be around them, but so many of his memories before Bracca are hazed over by the chip's influence, the constant compulsion to obeykillfolloworders.

Fighting the impulses had been so hard, but he had done it as best he could, fighting tooth and nail to stay with his squad, to keep them together, no matter how his thoughts were being twisted. In the end, none of it mattered. They left him behind anyway. He knows he hunted them while under the control of the chip. He knows he did things that he would never have done otherwise.

"Remember what I told you in the brig? You can't help it."

"Aim for the kid."

They knew. They knew that his mind was not his own, and even so, they didn't come back for him. On Ryloth, when his mind was finally free and his own again, he had thought, when he realized they were there, that, perhaps, they had come back for him.

They didn't.

Of course, they didn't. (Did they ever want him, truly?) And the sting of betrayal then was stronger and shaper than before, gutting in its intensity, unchecked without the chip to hold it back. They left him repeatedly, and he doesn't understand it. They never came back. They just... gave up on him.

Why? What did he do?

Omega's words are still ringing in his mind. "I didn't have anyone until you four were created. That's why I wanted to find you all again." He doesn't know what to say to her, though. He's a soldier. Emotions and children aren't things he has much experience with. But –

Well, maybe it's best if he waits to tell her that he's not staying, like she so obviously hopes.

***

After they finish eating the ration bars, Crosshair tells her that they should take some rest, which is probably a good idea because she's exhausted. He gives her the bottom bunk, so she doesn't have to climb, especially since her leg is still healing. He said something about not making her injuries worse, before climbing onto the top bunk and laying down.

She doesn't think he's sleeping though, and she can't fall asleep either, her mind abuzz with thoughts about her lost brother. He's so... When he's with her, focusing on her, he was so... gentle, considerate even. But when he talked about Hunter, she could hear the bitterness in his voice, the underlying antipathy and resentment. It hurts, because she has no idea how they'll work things out once they rejoin the others.