Red VS Blue: Agent New Mexico

23: The Joy of Toggling

The camera zooms through the gulch, revealing Sheila still in the middle of it, then ends on Arroyo, Church, and Tucker behind Blue Base.

Tucker: Hey Church, if your body is the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila? You know since Arroyo can't do it.

Arroyo: Oh fuck off. How do you expect me to fix a tank that was blown up? Hell, how do you expect Church to do it?

Tucker: Hey you never know, besides what do we have to lose?

Arroyo: Good point.

Church: Huh... Well, yeah it's worth a shot, I guess. (clears throat) Alright. Stand back. (Arroyo and Tucker take a step back) Huhrur...! Heeungh...! Hoom...!

Tucker: Anything?

Church: Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it would be.

Arroyo: I was kinda expecting you to explode or something.

Church: You're a real asshole sometimes you know that.

Tucker: Maybe there's a button on you somewhere...

Church: See what you can find. I'll keep trying from in here... Huroor...! Oh! Hey!

Tucker: Found it?

Church: Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way.

Tucker: What? It's not twenty-six degrees out here, that's freezing. (as Tucker talks, Caboose passes through the entrance of the base)

Arroyo: I think he means Celsius, Tucker.

Church: Yeah, he's right I do.

Tucker: Oh come on, dude, Celsius sucks. (kneels down and looks at Church) Hey, I found something.

Church: Oh yeah? You found a button?

Tucker: Naw dude, it's more like a ..switch.

Church: Well, give it a flip.

Tucker: I don't wanna flip it.

Church: What's the problem?

Tucker: It's in a weird place.

Church: Oh you've gotta be kidding me.

Tucker: You flip it.

Church: These arms aren't that flexible, I can't even reach down there.

Tucker: Fine make Arroyo flip it then.

Arroyo: Yeah fuck that. I'm not going anywhere near his switch.

Tucker: What about Caboose?

Church: Oh man, he's so stupid, I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch.

Tucker: Oh man...

Arroyo: ... I'm still not doing it.

Church: C'm-Tucker, come on. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner.

Tucker: (Turns to Arroyo) You better not tell anyone about this.

Arroyo: I make no promises.

Tucker: (kneels down and tries to flip the switch) It won't move, it's stuck.

Church: Did you try wiggling it?

Arroyo: (laughs)

Tucker: Stop laughing! I'm not wiggling your dongle.

Church: Oh, stop being a baby. Just wiggle it.

Tucker kneels back down.

Church: ... So, you from around here, baby?

Tucker: Okay look, if you want me to do this, you can't talk like that.

Church: Alright alright alright alright, I'm sorry, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.

Tucker: I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have any problem flipping it.

Church: You obviously did not know Tex that well.

Arroyo: That doesn't surprise me. In fact, I'm pretty sure she wore the pants in your relationship.

Church: ... I really wish I could disagree with that.

Tucker kneels back down and flips the switch and a beeping noise starts.

Tucker: There! Anything?

Church: Nope. Nothin'. That's kinda weird. Do you hear something beeping?

Cut to the Reds.

Sarge: Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?

The same beeping starts fading in, approaching the same volume.

Simmons: Well, we have to get him away from Grif, because ...yeah, you know, it's kinda cruel and unusual to have to talk to him.

Donut: How 'bout we, um, let him trade armor with uh, one of us? That would show him.

The Warthog's headlights flash in time with the beeping

Warthog: (voice is warbled and slurred) Warthog online. (the headlights flash once and remain on, and the voice is now up to speed) Homing beacon activated.

Donut: Sarge, d-d-did the car just talk?

Sarge: Uh oh.