𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖 ༄ ᴘercy ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ

grover realises the rest of us aren't goats

"We can make it," Grover said. "I think."

"No," Percy replied. "I, uh, think we should go farther upstream."

Grover frowned, "But—"

"Come on. A walk won't hurt us."

We followed the river about half a mile before coming to an easier slope that led down to the water. On the shore was a canoe rental operation that was closed for the season, but someone left a stack of golden drachmas on the counter and a note saying IOU three canoes.

"We need to go upstream," Zoë said. It was the first time I'd heard her speak since the junkyard - she sounded worse than she looked. To put it nicely, crap. "The rapids are too swift."

"Leave that to me," Percy said.

We put the canoes in the water.

Thalia and Percy had a quick discussion, which led to him getting into Zoë's canoe. Thalia ventured over to mine, as Grover settled into his own, stretching out his legs.

Before anyone had even settled down, I found myself propelled backwards, as we were suddenly pushed forward in the water. I looked downwards, and two nymphs were pushing our canoe. When they saw me they smiled and waved.

Thalia stared at me.

I ignored her.

She didn't stop.

I played with my necklace, watching the water.

I felt like my head was being burnt open by her gaze.

I couldn't take this.

I sighed, gritting my teeth. "What is it?"

"You need to stop." She told me.

I raised my eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"I know what you're thinking."

"Do you? Well, let's hear it then."

She looked at me pityingly. "You think it should have been you."

I stared, not letting myself reply in case my voice broke or I did something awful, like cry. Or punch her, since I reckon she'd win.

"I get it. Sacrifice yourself. Save your friends. Except you can't save them. Not always." Thalia's voice grew nostalgic as if recalling her own experiences.

I laughed dryly and leaned back. "If you're referring to Luke, you can go fuck yourself. They aren't the same. Your little boyfriend is a traitor, who you were an idiot and sacrificed yourself for. Who you still are an idiot for, and stupidly think there's a chance of saving. Bianca was a girl, who died to save us. Who died trying to do a nice thing for her little brother. Of course it should have been me."

For a moment, she looked angry, and I relished in it. But then her expression changed by a fraction, and she was back to looking at me like she pitied me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to her hate me and to yell and to punch me and to hit me and to hurt me back. Her jaw was tense.

"She shouldn't have died. But don't fool yourself into thinking this is about you. There's a bigger objective here, and you can't fall into the trench of what-ifs and what-should've-beens. She's dead, and it's a tragedy, but we can't do anything about it. So we fight, to continue for her. For everyone else that's died. For all the ones that'll die too. Because more will. "

Her electrifying blue eyes bore into mine."Maybe you're right. Maybe you should've died. But if you did, and she was alive instead of you, do you think she'd be here, moping and wishing she was dead instead? No. You're sulking and it's pathetic."