Copycat: Genesis -(Marvel Fem!OC)

A Night To Remember.

She spent the following day in Matthew's bed, it felt like her body was turning off after the hell and mountains of stress it'd harbored for months. No amount of self-control could keep her away from those glorious silk sheets.

It was good to be back, she knew that her time with Parker had been kind of like a timeout, that she wasn't meant to live an easy-going life... but she'd lived it, just a second.

Matt found her on the couch staring out the windows, deep in thought. He loosened the tie around his neck and left his bag in the hallway. "Did you sleep at all?"

"I slept the whole day," she answered. "How's the city? Is it quiet?"

"The whole city?" He shrugged. "Not much to do aside from the usual."

"How've you been?" She asked in a tired voice. 

They had been avoiding each other after Matt snapped at her, he'd told her he didn't want to hear her apologies until she proved she was really trying to do better, and she'd kept her mouth shut. That night, however, had her in a contemplative state, and Cat was desperate to hear someone else's voice apart from the mean one in her head. 

Matt sighed. "You sound like you could use a drink."

"You only have beers and they taste like shit," she replied. "Yes, I would like one."

He grabbed two bottles from the fridge. "Come join me."

"Do I have to?"

"I feel that moving you away from the window is the right call."

Cat was in no mood to argue, she got up and approached him.

"I feel weird, Matthew."

"About what?"

She sat down next to him on the little circular table. "I've got no weapons, my suit got stolen and  destroyed..."

"But you have allies," he replied calmly, "Spider-man is on your side and he's a good kid, and that other guy—"

"Matt, I'm..." Cat pushed the curls away from her face. "You don't understand the level of failure that comes with what I just said. I was supposed to be better than that." She grabbed her beer and studied it, slowly rotating the bottle on the surface. "If I'd listened to Fury, I would've been an amazing agent. You'd be surprised..."

"Not really," he took off his sunglasses and left them on the table. "I've seen what you can do when your mind's in the right place," Matt tilted his body towards her and frowned a little. "Why do you think you're a failure? People love you, Cat. You're surrounded by friends..."

"Love ruined my life," she shook her head. "I became human thanks to it, but I think..." she cleared her throat. "Love it's the only reason why I'm still alive, and I'm not sure that's good enough."

He raised a brow. "Love is not enough? I'm intrigued as to what you consider is more valuable."

"Nothing, that's my point," she smiled a little. "Love's never been able to save me. I'm starting to get real tired, you know? My grip is not as strong as it used to be, and I think that, after seeing how quiet the world can be when I'm not around—"

"I don't think your friends would like that any better," he was quick to add.

"Yeah, but..." she shrugged, "this is my life, not theirs. I'm tired of dragging my body through the mud. I'm too heavy."

Matt's grip tightened around his bottle. "This is the version of you I don't like."

"Yeah," she took a large gulp of her beer, Cat sniffed it and looked away. "I don't know what to do. How do I stop myself from trying to die? I don't have a purpose."

Matt placed his hand on top of hers. "There was this thing I read when I was in college," he said, "achieving our goals feels like the key to perfection, we get so set on this idea, that we don't look at the good that surrounds us in real-time—"

"You're saying I should enjoy this?" She raised a brow.

"No," he frowned, deep in thought. "I'm saying we love things when it's too late."

"And did reading that change anything about the way you loved?"

"God no," he laughed shortly. "We're not made to live in the moment. My point here is, we've all killed multiple versions of ourselves, and they haunt us forever. We love ourselves and our life only when the best parts of them are gone."

He cupped her cheek gently, Cat immediately leaned into his touch.

"But dying is not the solution. Having someone around that helps you carry the dead weight, now, that's something. Purpose is not what you should be looking for, I told you—" 

"It's not about my powers or my suit," she recited without missing a beat, "it's what I do with them, that's where I'll find my sense of self."

"And what have you been doing?"

Cat thought about it for a moment. She'd been trying not to die on her knees, that was all.

"I've been fighting for my life," she said. "I think I might be winning."

He smiled, chuckling a bit as he responded. "Yeah, looks like it," his thumb stroked her skin, and his expression softened. "I've never seen your face, but God knows I'd missed it."

Cat's pout worsened, she blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears. "You shouldn't be using God's name in vain."

"It's not in vain," his other hand reached her neck and found her new scars, his fingers grazed the bulky surface. "You can have a go at one sorry speech. Just one." 

Cat let out a short sob. "I thought I was going to die when Kraven took me away."

"But you didn't."

"I thought that being with you would make all the anger go away—"

"You don't have to tell me—"

"I want to. I was so cruel—"

"You were trying to keep me safe, I get it. I'm usually the one doing that, not the other way around. Foggy and Karen need my protection, but you've always been different. I was frustrated. I loved you too late."

Cat held onto his wrists, her hands squeezing him, but Matt didn't complain.

"All those times that I tried to die," she said weakly, "I wanted to have control over it, but I didn't want to die. Pietro, Tony, Nat... a hero should go in an honorable way, and it's the one thing I can't control and it freaks me out. I can copy anyone's powers, but I can't make myself die in a way that won't feel scary."

"You won't die anytime soon, and you're right, it's not because people out there love you," he replied holding her firmly. "You won't die, because you're good at what you do. You're not a failure, and Nick Fury can kiss my ass if he disagrees."

She laughed tearily.

"Put yourself together," he said, caressing her skin gently. "You have a fight to win."