The Twelve Letters | Hermitcraft/Empires AU

March 31st - Letter Three

Two things happened this month. One, I started realising that you might be actually dead, just like Xisuma and Grian have been trying to say. Two, I tried killing Grian a bunch of times. 

I don't really blame myself much, if I'm being honest. I mean, you wouldn't blame me either Jimmy. I was trying to figure out why you stayed in your room a lot more than usual, or why you may have been roaming around. 

The first two weeks of February I was breaking down more than usual.  Grian was trying to help me, but he wouldn't be able to get near me at all. I was breaking a lot of stuff around the house, threatening him with a knife to get away from me. I told him to fuck off. I don't really know what was up with me at all, but I didn't kill him. I never managed to. Even if I wanted to, he always wore his armour and had his shield on him. I never knew he used shields.

Anyways, the two weeks were apparently so bad that False had to come by to check up on me. She tried to talk to me, but I didn't really respond. So by her conclusion to try and make me feel better, she told me to stay in my room for three days at most. Xisuma sent Scott to watch over me and give me food.

I think Xisuma is trying to send different people as much as he could so I could meet them and get used to them. His plan is failing.

If I'm being honest, I think they should find a way to revive you. This is a really stressful place, and people have been dying. Yet they are able to respawn. I wonder what happened with you. Maybe an error in code?

Who knows. Scott has spoken to me a couple of times, and tried to tell me what happened.

"Grian kind of blew Jimmy up with a creeper. I think they told you that already," he said once, and I stared at him blankly.

Yes, they have told me that already.

"Okay, that's good," Scott replied, and stayed silent.

So he's actually dead?

"Yeah, he's dead. I'm not sure how." Scott shrugged, and then handed me a cup of coffee. It was a good caffeine drink, so I drank it. "Don't blame Grian, though. He didn't mean it."

I didn't blame him. I think.

The third day of being locked in my room was when I started to break stuff again. I started to yell, scream, everything you can think of, Jimmy. I think you would be surprised at what I've destroyed.

Scott tried to calm me down, but I yelled at him, asking why this had to happen to me specifically. Why did Grian have to bring the creeper? I kept saying how I would kill Grian as well.

Scott called for someone, which turned out to be False again, and she had to grab me physically so that she could calm me down easily. At that point, it was difficult for her to get near me, because there was glass on the ground. Flower pots were also broken and sharp, so I grabbed one piece and tried to hurt her.

When she did grab me, I was in a bad mood. I could feel my tears falling onto my shoes, and a headache was starting to form.

This week, I barely broke stuff. I was angry at myself, blaming myself, and threatening to kill Grian. I didn't break anything though. I guess that was a first for this month.

Grian sent me some letters, just like how I'm writing to you. He tried to apologise, but I would burn the letters after reading them. I almost ended up burning down the house. It's kind of funny.

Xisuma passed by today as well. He saw me writing the letter, and when he asked if I was writing to Grian, I looked at him with hatred. He stared back, and sighed at me.

"Never mind then. Are you okay?"

No.

"Okay, that's straightforward. You want to talk about it?"

No.

"Well, if you want to talk, just message me on the communicator." He left afterwards. I'm glad he didn't read the letter. 

So, I guess you're...dead? I'm not sure now. It's confusing, if I'm being honest.

It's really confusing.