Hey, not me!

Chapter Thirty-one:First Meet.

I had never in my life expected to be a part of a support group. I had never even considered using the term support group in an actual sentence. Gina had been bugging me for the past week to go check out her newly discovered version of AA. Since I declined her offer the past Friday, she had been on my case constantly. I had used up every excuse I could come up with and had decided that it was not worth the fight anymore. I would just have to go and see and then maybe she would stop texting me every five minutes.

She had somehow managed to rope in Sheila to come with us. Thankfully, Titus was not in sight as that would have made things a tonne more embarrassing. I couldn't believe I had let anyone convince to do something so unlike myself. How was I even going to talk to strangers about the one thing that was a constant bother in my life? I didn't think that sharing a similar lifestyle was enough reason for me to open up to complete strangers. I just hoped I could get away with hiding in the back.

Gina pulled up outside my apartment at quarter to 7pm. I had picked out my simplest outfit and was just about ready for the night to be over. Sheila was sitting upfront and so I jumped in the back. The two of them gave a holler of celebration that I did not quite approve. I rolled my eyes and waved off their excitement. I swear if they hadn't been my best friends I would have long ditched them. It did help that I knew that their intentions were pure. And I was relieved that they were not trying to set me up for a date instead. Compared to dating, a support group didn't sound that bad. I would survive the night.

As we parked in front of the double storey library I realised that it had been ages since I held a book in my hand. And soon I would be surrounded by thousands of them. That, and a bunch of strangers who would probably be expecting me to introduce myself. Scratch what I said earlier, I was likely not going to survive the night. I could feel traces of my past social anxiety climbing up my chest. I swallowed nervously and rubbed my shaking hands against my jeans.

"I can't do this," I whispered sorely. I felt a few stray tears burn my eyes. How had I thought I could do this? The world around my eyes darkened as my breath stole away from me and I could barely breathe. The arm around my back pulled me back from the darkness.

"You will be fine, babe. I am here," Sheila whispered against my hair as she pulled me in for a hug. "If you could meet people who felt like you did, who understand what others struggle to about you, wouldn't you want to? If you could find answers, wouldn't you want them?" She soothed.

"I would. I do." I said even as the tears fell free. "But I am so scared. What if I don't fit in even here? What if my kind of different isn't the right kind even here?" I hated how my voice shook as the gravity of my fears escaped from my mouth.

"Then you will still have us. And you will still be the best friend I ever had. This is my way of trying to make up for finding love and leaving you behind," Sheila clarified.

"You don't have to make up to me. Am happy that you found love and someone who absolutely adores you. You deserve it and I would never begrudge you that," I assured her.

"But we were going to be crazy cat ladies together and now you will have to do that by yourself," she joked and I couldn't help laughing.

"I would rather have pet lizards," I chipped in and we both laughed. And just like that, my panic ebbed away and I braced myself to go in.

I felt much braver when Gina linked her arm through mine and Sheila held my other. I held back a few joyous tears as we marched up the steps. I couldn't remember the last time someone had ever done something so absolutely thoughtful for me. And yet here I was, with my two only friends in the world ready to discover a whole new community that I might just belong to. I didn't want to count my blessings just yet but I was very hopeful.

I don't know what I had expected to find at the AA meeting but finding a group of around fourty people both young and old was not it. I guess I had assumed I would find a bunch of weirdos already past their middle ages. The faces looking at our arriving trio were from all races and ethnicity and religious backgrounds. Each had a curious glint in their eyes but I sensed no hostility. They all looked so normal that I would never have paid them a second look if I had met them on the street.

"Welcome to Aro Aces, or Aromantic Asexuals. This is a safe space for everyone and anyone in either spectrum. We share our stories, create friendship and provide a community that is just for us. Have a seat," a woman in her early thirties welcomed us. I still had no idea what the name of the group meant but I felt amazing to be allowed in.

Some people shared, voluntarily, and I soon found myself relaxing in my seat. The stories weren't so different from my own, ranging from meddling relatives demanding a wedding to thoughtless attempts of friends trying to play set up. I laughed at the hilarity of some of the narrations. And I really enjoyed being around people who understood how frustrating it was to have no interest in love in a world that capitalised on sex and romance. At some point I felt brave enough to share. I didn't say much but I nevertheless felt victorious.

"Hi everyone. My name is Aisha and I am twenty four years old. I don't have much to say, other than being grateful that my best friends talked me into coming here. I have never felt love the way people explain it and I have always been a little glad for that. The one time I ever came close to it, I was barely a child and got my heart broken. Its been years but I have never regained that curiosity and am kind of glad for that." Everyone clapped as I went to sit and I was happy that I had come and spoken.