untouchable

36

Rounds of applause, cacophony of howls, screams, and whistles roared through the space in cheering, sparklers illuminated the dim landscape, your vision is blurring and your ears are ringing.

The world felt like it's turning slow-mo as you stepped away from the heartwarming scene, your lukewarm beer sloshes around its bottle. You're still vibrating from intense emotions, but the happiness and excitement are above anything else.

You breathe through your mouth, slow and steady, to push back the welling tears. You shakily sipped on your now bitter beer as you sit down on a ledge overseeing the shore. You stayed there in your solitude with the crashing waves as company for several minutes or so, the intensity of your feelings dwindles down with each passing time.

After a while, careful and stealthy footsteps marched their way to you. "Bigla kang nawala, ah," Jill softly said. When you only gave her a hum of acknowledgement, Jill continued, "Hinahanap ka nila Kuya JD. Oks ka lang?"

You patted the space beside you to have her join you. She eventually did, slurping on her own cocktail drink occasionally, basking in the soothing silence. The horizon where the sun meets the sea has a vibrant blood orange glow, the surrounding sky turning deep purple. A beautiful ending on a beautiful day.

"Grabe, engaged na mga tropa ko..." You blurted out, breaking the silence. You're still somehow in disbelief, but also enthusiastic for what's to come. "Tangina, magpapakasal na sila Aries at Sugi. Tapos si Shein, may jowa na. Si JD, may ka-talking stage na rin. Tangina ako pinaka-cute sa'min pero ako na lang din 'yung single. Shet," you breathily voiced out your own epiphany.

Jill snorted as she shakes her head at your words. She didn't dare commenting on it, just watching the sun slowly hide in the offing, but she did roll her eyes in response.

"Tangina, bakit ako na lang 'yung single?" You asked out loud once more, exasperation strong on your voice.

You're not pressured about your inevitable aloneness in the near future, but seeing your best of friends having someone in their arms; it shook you a little, made you question your own choices in life a little. They all will build families of their own, with you being their kids' godmother if they ever have kids. You're a proud and independent modern career woman who doesn't need anyone, but holy heck. Of course, you only have yourself to blame, though that won't stop you from asking rhetorical questions.

You thought you're at peace with becoming a spinster someday, though maybe actually seeing the engagement ring on Aries' finger awoken the id you've always snuffed out. The id that doesn't want to be alone, the id that would want a companion to grow old with, the id that wants irrational desires.

But Jill has an answer for you, which she would never say out loud, would even take it to her grave. E kung hindi ka kasi nag-iinarte diyan, edi sana may jowa ka na? Tama na siguro sa pagiging manhid? Suggestion lang.

"It be like that sometimes." Jill said instead just to contribute something to the one-sided conversation.

You genuinely chortled at her comment. You turned to gaze at Jill's side profile. Even with the lack of proper lighting, she's still gorgeous in your eyes. If you weren't too occupied by your anticipatory anxiety, you'll just watch her. "Hmm. It be like that sometimes," you repeated.

You hate that instead of enjoying and celebrating your best friends' engagement, here you are, worrying for something that will be beyond your control. Why make today about you? You'll have more time worrying about your failed love life tomorrow. For now, you should live in the moment.

So, you took a calming deep breath before facing your companion. "Here's to Aries and Sugi." You declared then clinked your bottle with her glass.

Jill turns as well, smiling as she toasts with you, "Cheers!"