untouchable

12

Heartbreak.

An emotion that's always been a constant in Jillian's life. When she lost her Papa at the young age of 12, she experienced heartbreak like no other. It was her first and the most painful of all. She was just developing, still trying to learn her identity in life. But one of her pillar and mentor was taken from her and it took her a while to get back to living. It matured her emotionally. Grief is so hard to deal with because how can one continue living when someone you love is not there anymore?

Heartbreak from grief is hard to manage, because you just learn to live around it as it never goes away. It's also not preventable, always unpredictable, but Jillian found strength within and she's grateful she has a solid foundation in the form of her sisters and their strong Mama.

From there, any heartbreak she experiences are pale in comparison, but still painful all the same.

At 15, she was heartbroken again when Zayn Malik left One Direction. She cried her teen heart out, scared that her favorite band will break up because of that.

Most people were quick to dismiss a teen girl's feelings because they're young, that the reason is too shallow, that it's not the end of the world. It might not be catastrophic for others, but it was for her! The band has become her lifeline as she navigates through her adolescence, so it was a huge deal for her. If they can't understand where she's coming from, then at least be decent enough not to ridicule her for simply having feelings. This kind of ache was once again beyond her grasp as she didn't see it coming, but the good thing is she moved on.

When she's about to turn 18, she experienced another heartbreak. This time, from a puppy love.

Puppy love...

Funny how she labels it puppy love when the pain she went through was more like a dinosaur bite than a puppy bite. This one, she also didn't see coming.

Jillian was assured of herself that she won't love anyone in a romantic sense, not until she's an adult at least. But life as always is uncertain.

She fell for this boy: he's gentle-natured, soft-spoken, intellectual, caring, understanding, profound, and he reminds her of her late father. He's charming and friendly, he simply fit Jill's standards for an ideal boyfriend. He was written by a woman. She wanted to be around his orbit at all times, make him his favorite food, get to hold his hand, have him walk her to her classes or home. She was in love with this boy, and her mistake was she assumed he was, too.

He treated her so well, Jill felt like she's his girlfriend. But apparently, she was too blinded by her own delusions. He was just being friendly, and she read the lines wrong.

She was expecting him to ask her out as a prom date because he shared with her his plans of how he'd ask this one girl out. He asked for her opinion, what she'd like to experience if someone were to invite her. So it made Jillian assume it was for her. She obviously felt kilig, her crush, no, her love will be asking her out for prom and they'd dance the night away.

But alas, it wasn't for her. It was for another mutual friend of theirs. The crazy thing is, it worked. They got together, and Jill knew it's wrong to be resentful and envious for they are also her friends. But it was hard not to because she really loved that guy, and how stupid of her to not notice he only sees her as a friend.

Since that day, Jill nursed her wounded heart in secrecy.

She stopped hanging out with that boy, silently cried herself to sleep, hoping no one would see through her pain. She couldn't even share it to her sisters or their Mama, so she dealt with it all alone. She hated herself, for assuming things, for letting it out of her control. From happy crush, it snowballed into an all-encompassing love that led to an impairing heartbreak. That kind of heartbreak could be avoidable if she was just smarter.