Dear September Rain

03

Dear September Rain,

May I be forgiven for my transgressions. I thought earlier today of what life would be like if everyone, except Elizabeth and Paul, were gone. I wished desperately for them to leave and never come back. I find myself afraid to speak to father these days. Mother does nothing but weep when she thinks no one is near, but everyone is aware. She punishes us when she's finished crying. I think it makes her feel better. John is becoming a man and goes out with father on hunts. He resembles him more each day. Paul is too little to go with them, and I thank the Lord, Elizabeth and he are as sweet as angels. I read a book today about an old man who lived a wonderful life. It taught me a lot as I read and I felt connected as if the author knew what I felt. I've been having strange thoughts since. I don't think the life I live is alright but I don't know what to do to change it. I think I heard father downstairs. He's calling for John. I hope he doesn't do the same for me or I'll be punished. I can hear him whispering. That's odd.

Tonight... outside to... and learn about the... keep... tell... consequences.

They left. I wonder if I should go too. No, my thoughts are too ungrateful. I should sleep but I don't want to leave here. This spot that I have all to myself. I don't want to end the night. The day is too painful. 

I can see them, in the darkness. I don't think they would really care if we knew. I wonder where they will go. If its better than here. Maybe a wonderful life, just like the old man in the book.

Wait.

I think he saw me.

No.

Maybe not. Maybe I'm safe. Maybe I shouldn't come here anymore. I think it's time to sleep and forget the night. And forget what it means to dream.