Miss, Do I Know You?

26 - Saturday, January 23

My chest constricted as memories, cruel and relentless, reminded me of what this accursed place had stolen from me. So tangible it seemed born from the very bricks, panic gnawed at my core. The mere thought of crossing those cursed doors once more set my heart to a frantic pace, my stomach twisting in an awful dance.

Pristine in their deceptive whiteness, the walls seemed to lean menacingly closer. The stench of antiseptic intensified, clinging to my senses like a ghost from years gone by. My insides churned and twisted with force so powerful as though invisible hands had seized my guts, wrenching and wringing with a merciless force that left me reeling on the brink of surrendering to sickness.

"Kayla?"

I blinked, noticing the concern etched in their eyes. "I'm sorry," I muttered before spinning around. "I can't be here."

Their echoing footsteps pursued me in my escape, a hurried flight from the prison of sullen air and the sterile sting of disinfectant that clung. But even where the fresh air promised solace, my throat betrayed me, clamping shut in cruel denial, while my stomach revolted with a cramp.

A nearby trashcan was my only recourse, my lunch its undesired offering, my body wracked by dry heaves. Flushed with the warmth of embarrassment, my face belied a fear that clenched at my heart with a grip far mightier, a force that dwarfed mere shame and left me trembling in its chilling embrace.

"Kay?" Alex's voice sounded distant, muffled by the rush of blood pounding in my ears, her hand on my back. "Kayla, what's wrong?"

"This is the... uh..."

Hunched over the trashcan, tears threatened to breach my eyes as I summoned the courage to unearth the ghosts that haunted my life. I wanted Alex to know the truth, to see my entirety, but giving voice to those realities was a daunting task.

"This is the hospital where they... my mom and dad..."

Part of me wasn't sure if my whispered confession had reached her. But the sudden firmness of her hand on my back was assurance enough. Her hands moved to my shoulders, drawing my body into her embrace.

"Kayla..." she breathed, her voice grating with emotion. "What? I'm so sorry."

My gaze clashed with Gabi's, whose face bore a portrait of worry, her eyes flitting between us. She weaved her fingers aimlessly through her tousled hair before sinking into a bench, her body surrendering to a deep, shuddering exhale. As if the world around her had grown too chaotic.

I could not tell why it had hit me so hard. Something inside me snapped, and all semblance of progress I thought I had made seemed to evaporate. Everything I thought I knew about myself suddenly seemed uncertain. That was where I had lost not just two people, but a piece of myself. My vulnerabilities were laid bare.

Crushing guilt anchored my heart. The day should have been about Alex and her dad. I had resolved to be strong for her, to reciprocate the strength she had so often lent me. But instead, I found myself crippled by emotions I had failed to understand and cope with, despite six long years.

"Brie, just go. I'll try to come back later," Alex said. "It's a bit too much."

Before disappearing, Gabi left me with a napkin and a water bottle to banish the aftertaste of sickness and sorrow. My nerves, however, were a wild tangle that stubbornly refused to be tamed. Even through determination, sobriety granted unwelcome thoughts a doorway to creep in.

"I'm so sorry," Alex said, seemingly unsure what to do. "What are you feeling? Are you okay?"

I nodded, my legs fighting to keep pace with my thundering heart. "It's just... overwhelming. I'm sorry."