NO Love Club (Boy × Boy) ✔

28) CRY AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

X Bélizaire's POV

Back when I hoped Cole would shut his mouth, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I didn't imagine he would grow silent altogether or that even when he spoke he didn't seem to hear his own words. And, frankly, I hated it. This quiet, drawn version of him. He didn't seem sad, but the lack of emotion in his eyes scared me.

I could see that same worry reflecting from Chloe and their parents' eyes when they looked at Cole. They did their best to cheer him up and tell him about all the funny things that had happened during their days, but there was no way of pulling Cole back from whatever stupor he was in.

I couldn't blame him for needing to take distance from all the bad news, especially after the doctor had given her verdict about his legs. But I missed him. The real, snarky and at times annoying version of him. I even missed his glares, because at least then I knew he was feeling something. 

Cole's parents and Chloe came and went, but Cody had had no other option than to go back to the city he lived in. He couldn't skip any more classes, but he promised he would be back for Cole's knee surgery.

Mom was busy with work, which was no surprise to anyone, so usually dad was the only one to see me. Maddy then was busy with homework and football practices. I was relieved she wasn't seeing Cole the way he was. She idolized Cole for his football skills and sense of humor, so seeing Cole stuck in bed and a void of any feeling would have been a lot for her to take.

I bolted up to a sitting position when I heard a thud, which was followed by a groan and a slew of curses. The room was shadowy, lit with only the light coming from the hallway. I didn't think twice before stumbling up from my bed and rushing to Cole's side of the room. When I couldn't see him on his bed, my stomach lurched and my gaze darted to the floor.

"Shit." Was all I could get out of my mouth as I crouched down on the floor next to him. I touched his shoulder and whispered: "Are you okay?"

Cole didn't answer, he just glimpsed at me through the curls curtaining his face. His face was contorted with the effort to hold back his tears, but they were spilling to his cheeks regardless. He was gasping and clenching his fists so tight his knuckles turned white. 

"I can't do anything." Cole choked, his stormy eyes sending daggers to his legs. For the first time since the accident I got a good look at them. His left knee had a white cast and his right leg was stabilized with a baby blue cast. When Cole saw me staring, the force of his next sob made him curl into himself. "My legs are useless."

"You'll just need another surgery and then they'll be as good as new." I reassured him, but what did I know about surgeries and healing bones? I couldn't promise him that, yet I was willing to say anything just to take away his pain. My heart was breaking for him, the ache so terrible it was hard to breathe. 

"You don't get it, I'll need rehabilitation. A year of rehabilitation, and even then I might never walk again." Cole gushed and started sobbing harshly. 

I pulled him into a one-handed embrace, pressing his face to the crook of my neck, on the side where my collarbone was still intact. He clutched an arm around my waist, as firmly as he had when I had told him to hold on tight, digging his fingers into my back. 

Between the cries he whispered: "I can't do this. I can't go through all this. I'd rather die than never walk again."

And then I was really scared.

"You will walk again." I told him, clutching him tighter. "You will walk again." I repeated, my heart aching with the knowledge that no matter how much I wanted for him to be okay, it wasn't up to me. I was utterly inadequate in the face of his pain and the fractures in his legs. "I don't care what it costs or how difficult it gets, I'll make sure you'll walk again."

My promises, no matter how futile they might have been, evened Cole's breath. He relaxed into my embrace, his sobs turning to quiet cries. My fingers found his hair and I tucked at the curly strands gently, then reverted to the nape of his neck. His skin was warm under my reassuring touch. 

Cole cried and cried and cried, until his tears soaked the collar of my shirt. My back was aching and my leg had grown numb, but I let him hold me and let all that pain out. I had a feeling that he really needed a good cry and someone to tell him everything was going to be alright.

"Sorry about that." Cole whispered eventually, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and sniffing. He avoided my gaze, embarrassed by his outburst, even though he had no reason to. If anything, I was relieved because it took away the emptiness from his eyes. 

"Nah." I shook my head, smiling warmly at him. And as I didn't know what else to say, I told him: "Don't be."

We were quiet for some time, and Cole made no effort pulling away from my embrace. My leg had gone on pins and needles, but I was in no hurry to let go either. My heart was thudding twice as fast as it normally did, and I told myself it was just because Cole had given me a good scare and not because he was so close to me.

"I suppose you can't help me up." Cole muttered, glancing at my sling. Despite Maddie's plan of me helping Cole move around, I wasn't much use with that. I couldn't help him back to bed, I couldn’t really even push him around in a wheelchair with a busted arm.

"Yeah, nope." I agreed with a sheepish grin. Cole looked at me, his eyes red from crying, and then bursted out laughing at the sheer absurdity of our situation. It was a genuine laughter this time, the kind that lit up his eyes, and I couldn't help but laugh along. "We should call a nurse."

"Yeah." Cole breathed, watching as I struggled to get up with my numb leg and useless arm. It was one helluva challenge, but I managed it and pushed the button to call the nurse.

When we were back on our beds, I sat on the edge of mine, browsing my phone just to pass the time. I was feeling better to the point where I didn't need to lie down 24/7, which I took as a good sign. I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital, but I also didn't want to leave, because Cole was there. He would have to stay longer than me, we both knew that much.

"Hey, X." Cole's voice made me snap my attention from the text Wilder had sent me earlier that day. I lifted my gaze to find Cole looking at me from his side of the room. He was laying in his bed, but there was no sign of drowsiness in his eyes. "I'm sorry I called you a bully and a homophobe, I shouldn't just walk around assuming things about people I don't know the first thing about."

"So you don't think I'm either of those things?" I asked, failing to fight back the mile wide smile spreading on my lips. I didn't think I would have such a reaction to his words, and yet there I was, relieved and happy to no end.

"No." Cole sighed, averting his gaze and starting to fiddle with the binding of his blanket. Then a small smile tucked up the corners of his mouth. "I've known Declan for years, so don't think I don't know what he's like."

"So, you knew it was him who started it." I stated. I opened my mouth to add something, when I finally put the pieces together: where I knew Cody from and how much more sense Cole's behavior made after that. I thought back to the hatred in Cole's eyes when he accused me of being those things, and asked, quietly: "Was it because Cody was bullied? For being gay?"

Cole blinked, surprised but not asking how I knew that. I could see from his eyes that it was a wound that refused to heal, something he still carried around wherever he went. Then he sighed, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

"I couldn't help Cody, but at least I could keep Declan from having to go through the same. That, at the very least, I could save someone." Cole said, staring at the ceiling with a sad smile on his lips.

My mouth went dry when I listened to him and studied that smile, realizing I wasn't going to be the one to win the bet. He couldn't possibly know it, but he had already won.

****

Question of the day:
What's the last book you gave up on and stopped reading?

(Me: The prequel to They Both Die at The End: The First One to Die at The End. It was so heartbreaking and I only just read All The Bright Places, which completely broke me, so I'm not ready to feel like that again..)