NO Love Club (Boy × Boy) ✔

13) I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL.

Cole Walker's POV 

I was beyond fed up with Declan. I was tired of the drama and the fights, which could easily have been avoided. Above all, I was mad at Declan, because he was the reason I had hurt X. Maybe it was hypocritical of me, but I wanted to take X and Wilder's side in the argument, just because..

I don't even know. 

All I knew was that I had been given an opportunity to end this stupid squabble between us, and somehow still chosen not to. I had been so close at saying yes, but then I had seen the look in Declan's eyes. The look that had told me it would break him if I chose Wilder's side, that this time he was angry for a good reason.

Or at least a reason big enough for Declan to consider a good reason.

"Cole, wait up!" Declan shouted after me, just before I made it to the parking lot. He forced me to stop walking by snatching my hand. I turned on my heels and glared at Declan, until he let go and raised his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, I really am."

"Are you really?" I snapped, narrowing my eyes at him. The wind kept whisking my hair on my face, so I tugged off the scrunchie and made an effort to tie them back into a bun again. Great, just what I needed: a new nervous habit unlocked.

"Of course I am." Declan stepped towards me and squeezed my arm in a way that was supposed to be calming, but I didn't feel calmer at all. "You know me."

"That's just the thing." I breathed, still glaring at him. "I'm not sure if I know you at all anymore. You've changed so much I can't keep up with you."

"That's not fair." Declan objected with a displeased frown.

"Then tell me what happened there." I insisted, ignoring Declan's comment, and swallowed back the lump in my throat. For fuck's sake, I wasn't going to start crying over this. "You better explain to me right now or I'll —"

"Wilder. Wilder happened."

"Yeah, I figured that much." I muttered and turned to leave. 

"You're just upset because I ruined things between you and X, aren't you?" Declan's accusing words made me halt.

"I don't give a damn about that, I just think it's stupid to keep fighting." I shrugged, looking away. 

"Uh-huh." Declan huffed and crossed his arms tightly across his chest. He wasn't about to say anything more, but I glared an explanation out of him: "You clearly don't give a damn about it, you're just holding back tears for the fun of it. Don't think I haven't seen the way you perk up every time he walks in the room."

"You know what I think?" I snapped, throwing my hands in the air in frustration. What right did Declan have to whine about the way I acted when X was around? "I think you're lying about that argument you had with him, because I don't think he's a bad guy at all."

Declan opened his mouth and then closed it again, like a fish out of water. He let his arms fall to his sides, averting his gaze. Then he admitted, unreluctantly: "Okay, you're right. Maybe he isn't a bad guy and maybe the fight was more my fault than his."

When I watched Declan shifting his weight from one foot to another and picking a loose thread from the sleeve of his shirt, I felt some of my anger cooling down. He might have been annoying, but he was still my friend. He wasn't usually the nervous type, which made me realize he was trying to tell me something important.

"I'm not going to be friends with Wilder, ever. I can explain it all to you, but.. Not right now." Declan stammered and clasped my hands in his, looking at me with his best version of puppy eyes. "Just ask me anything else and I'll do it."

"Let me talk things through with X." I decided, keeping my voice firm and my gaze steady. "You said it yourself: he's not a bad guy, so there's no reason I couldn't be friends with him."

"Okay, fine." Declan gave in and nodded slowly. I was so relieved I couldn't keep the smile from my lips, and a smile crept tardily on Declan's lips as well. 

I could talk things through with X. Tomorrow I was going to explain that I really did want to stop fighting and that I wanted to be his friend, but I just needed to say no for Declan. I would tell X I had told Declan I wanted to be friends with X and that Declan had no saying in it. That whatever was going on between him and Wilder, it didn't have to have an impact on X and I.

"Thanks." I whispered to Declan and, completely out of character, pulled him into a hug.

I was determined to make it work. I would be friends with Declan and X, and not have to choose between one or another. After all, didn't Declan just say that X hadn't done anything wrong? Or that, at least, Declan had been more at fault at their fight?

I thought about the things I would say to X for the rest of the day, and it made me feel.. calmer, somehow. I even had a decent conversation with mom, who was planning on some big family dinner at dad's birthday. We didn't fight and I didn't run to my room the first opportunity I got to excuse myself, I didn't slam doors or blast music just to piss her off.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to see you like this." Mom whispered in my ear and gave me one of her rare hugs.

It made me wonder, if she had changed after all and whether I was the one upholding our strained terms. Maybe it was about time for me to learn how to move on and how to give people second chances.

****

Question of the day:
Describe yourself in three words.

(Me: Stubborn, creative and anxious.)