Blind Instincts

Chapter Twenty-Six

I think for a few minutes, my mind glossing over my time with Morrison. He helped me achieve things I never thought I would. I appreciate him for helping me, despite it being an utter fluke. I was in the right place at the right time. He didn't care who it was in the cell, but it ended up being me.

For the first time in a very long time, I find my mind on Alaric, wondering what my mate has been doing. If he has been thinking about me at all, or been busying himself with things to keep his mind off of me, like myself.

I still feel the mate bond. I still recall what it's like to be touched by your mate, the instant heat of the touch, the tremors that come after. I shiver, feeling his touch like he was truly here. I wish I could forget. I wish I wasn't attracted to him.

Its been so long since I thought of being with him, I thought I'd forget what he looks like by now. I've only ever partially seen him, remembering his greenish golden eyes, big stature, and harsh manner.

Suddenly, my mind clicks in a moment of clarity, a wash of unease and determination falling blankly over me. I stop moving so abruptly I slide and almost trip infront of myself.

I made the hasty decision that I'm not running anymore. I know what I want. My body is tired but I stand tall and find a place to wait.

The wind is sharp and cold, but feels good on my tired body. I wait amongst the tall trees, my body still and tall. In a sitting position, I wait and watch along the horizon of thick rocks and growth. The sun dangles now lower in the sky, brightening my area in the afternoon light.

I wait for awhile, and it actually begins to get dark before I make another move. I stand stout, stretching my sore body that hasn't moved in so long. I don't let my eyes get wary, I brace against the wind and the darkening sky. I don't care how long I'm here, the end will be worth it.

My stomach dropped into a ball at the sound of a wolf a distance away, howling a warning. It's obvious why, we both know.

I shift and stance, keeping my position. I wait anxiously, a bubbling in my stomach, though mentally I prepare myself for the confrontation.

I barely hear the movement in the far distance, watching as every now and then a pocket of crows will agro into the sky, likely distruged from their position on the forest bed floor.

He makes himself present with the sound of his shift, an act I'm not even sure he was going to do. I pondered if he would simply use his force to take me down and bring me all the way back to his pack. It was a fearsome possibility, though I decided if it's going to happen then it will. I don't have to run anymore.

Though he doesn't, he merely takes strong steps towards me, though I don't falter my stance. My back is straight and my chin is slightly angled to the sky.

I refuse to start, keeping my mouth shut in a line. I'm not saying anything until he has something to say to me first.

He stops metres away from me, eyes flaring at my own, I feel the tickle of his gaze on my skin. It's a feeling my mind didn't miss, an uneasy settling over my mind.

I don't let it show as my mind gets foggy with the mate bond, an overwhelming sense that I haven't felt in so long. I try not to let it get to me, the feelings I've pushed back since I've met him.

"Mate", he speaks loudly, ensuring I hear every word. His voice makes my stomach twist.

"Mate." I address him, and it's the first time I uttered him as such. My voice is stern and I leave it open ended. I shake my head only lightly, standing tall and keeping my eyes in place at the sky. I don't see it now, but I imagine the separation between the sky and the trees. It keeps my mind clear from the creeping sensations of having my mate so proximal.

"My Luna," he starts again, but I cut him off harshly.

"No." I talk louder this time, grating the word out. I start to regret my situation, wanting to run away again. I wonder if he's going to give me the decision to leave willingly, remembering the very first day I woke up in his territory. I've never had a choice.

Was this even worth it? I start to worry but I quickly end all thoughts, needing most, now than ever, to appear obstinate.

"The moon wills it," he says fervidly, almost scarily. I disagree, the moon goddess doesn't care. She picks mates for many reasons, ours not for a good one.

"The moon does not stipulate who I am," I say matter-of-factly. It is a fact, if the moon defined me, I would be a fool who fell into the arms of the people who abused me.

"Things would've been different, had I got it my way," he says quieter as he steps closer to me. What he says comparatively frightens me, not his voice or even his closeness. The thoughts he makes public to me, itself, is frightening. I don't want to be his Luna, and I don't want things to go his way.

Still, it makes me wonder what life would've been if everything aligned.

I take in a deep breath, savoring the moment as one I hopefully never have to endure again. I take in his bitter scent, mixed with the earthy greens and rocky terrain around us. I hear the birds way up, gliding against the breeze, breaking the wind to create a slashing of air. Different species I've never heard sit singing in odd trees, the trees themselves bristling against each other in motion. I let out a heavy breath, coming back to the conversation.

"What would that look like?" I ask in curiosity, though with no special emotion. I don't want him to take this for vulnerability.

He takes a moment to think, but quickly lands on his thought, "I wouldn't merely be the face of a pack being run by people in the shadows," I only stand, imagining his scenario. "you would've liked me, even wanted me." I don't know if that's true, I don't know if I ever would have wanted him. It is hard to imagine, but I let him continue.

"I would have mated you, and you'd be Luna to my pack." He says it as if it's everything he has ever wanted, if that would be his perfect life.

"That's not what I want." I simply say. it rolls off my tongue so easily, a consideration I've never taken to heart. I don't want to be tied to a territory with a title, responsible for the entirety of a packs wellbeing.

I only now learned how to take care of myself, willing my strength only when I need to.

I take an odd few steps back, keeping a distance between us. I'm not letting him get any ideas about me.

I wish I could see his face, probably twisted in astonishment that I don't want to fall for him at any moment.

I feel the cold rock under my bare feet, the dampness of the earth following along. I can hear him shuffling slightly, just barely moving. I want to know what he thinks.

"I'm leaving. . ." I blurt, simply stating my peace. I'm letting him know that just because he finally wants to be kind to me, doesn't mean I will stay. What he does, doesn't matter to me. I void my mind of him as much as possible, being difficult with his scent in my face.

He keeps stepping closer, but this time I don't match his steps back. I let him make his way to me.

His hands lift, cupping either side of my face. For a moment I believe he truly cares about me and is sorry for how he treated me. . . But it doesn't matter now. My mind is set.

"Goodbye, Alaric." My voice is sad, the sparks of his hands leaving a coldness on my face as I back up.

This time, I have a feeling he won't be following me. Not anymore.

I backup, his scent getting lesser as I put distance between us.

I shift, and for the first time I see his face, a faceful of sadness. I take a moment to remember this picture in time. His saddened face, looking down at me, light striking him between the open sky and trees. It makes him look ethereal. . .

Goodbye, Alaric

I say it one more time.

Goodbye.

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Word Count: 2233