Chapter 1

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Dean

"So get this."

Dean groaned at his brother's voice, removing the coat from his face. Cas was off in heaven doing angel-y things with Jack, and with Dean's decision to cut back on hunting, he was bored. That meant he spent most of his time cooking, watching TV, listening to music, working on Baby, hustling pool, and napping. Mostly napping.

Hey, Dean had been a hunter for nearly four decades and saved the world more times than he could count. He deserved some R&R.

"Not today, Sammy," Dean said, rolling over to avoid looking at him.

Sam wasn't deterred. He sat across from Dean on the other couch and nudged him with his boot. "You need to get off your ass and do something."

"I am doing something. I'm sleeping."

"Dude, you've been sitting around the bunker for days. And since you refuse to find other hobbies, I'm gonna put you to use."

"Have one of your other hunters do it."

Dean would never admit it to his face, but Sam had done a pretty great job as a leader to the hunters. Like he did when Michael took over Dean's body, Sam had organized a hunting operation out of the bunker complete with assigned partners and teams, check-ins, supply warehouses, dedicated research personnel, the occasional FBI/CIA/CDC/other law enforcement stand-in, and case-distribution system that worked like a charm. Dean was actually impressed by the sophistication of it all. Even on the few cases he went out on these days, he was given so much research right off the bat that it was practically a piece of pie.

"They're all busy on other cases," Sam said.

Dean sighed and finally looked at Sam, who wore the same know-it-all expression Dean had seen a million times. "Sam, I told you, I—"

"You don't want to be a hunter for the rest of your life. Dude, I know. You've made that clear. And I get it, you deserve it. But I know you. No matter how hard you try, you'll never stop hunting."

It wasn't just that. Dean was no longer Chuck's puppet, and he wanted to make the most of that. He'd spent most of his life fighting someone else's war, following someone else's orders. He wanted to make his own choices without worrying about the ghosts of the past. He almost had a chance at a normal life with Lisa and Ben all those years ago, but it wasn't the right time then. And maybe not even the right person.

But now, with Cas, maybe it was the right time and the right person. Cas' confession when he saved Dean from Billy had shattered a wall inside Dean. The feelings he had, he'd kept hidden away because he'd never thought angels could love the way humans did. And then, like a dream, they could. And Cas did. Cas loved Dean, the same way Dean loved him. Had loved him for . . . longer than Dean could say. He didn't know when he realized what he felt for Cas was different from what he felt for Sam, but it had been a while. It had been a hidden, private thing he'd hardly allowed himself to acknowledge was real. He'd been too scared of the rejection, the judgment, the vulnerability. Feelings were what got you dead in this business.

And yet, he'd nearly told Cas when they went to Purgatory to find that plant to fight Chuck and almost lost each other—that's how scared he'd been of Cas never knowing what he really meant to him. And when the Empty took Cas, Dean couldn't hold it in any longer.

Cas was Dean's family as much as Sam was, and it was time Dean stopped taking that for granted. When he and Sam and Jack rescued Cas from the Empty, he went all in and told Cas everything. And Cas accepted him, and so did everyone else, and everything was right.

Dean wasn't one for sappiness, but the first night he and Cas spent together, with everything on the table, was like something out of the fairytales his mom used to read to him before she died and he learned about all the things that went bump in the night. It still gave him butterflies to see Cas' things in his room. Dean never knew it could feel so good to let himself be free and to want without guilt or fear. He finally had the thing he never thought he could have. What the two of them had been building together was special. It was like nothing Dean had experienced before. It was real. It was powerful. It was everything. And with all he'd been through, he didn't want to do anything to risk it.

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