Avengers in Ketterdam

Blame it on Strange

Tony's POV

We were called to the Sanctum Santorum Mystical Magical Wizard Hut at 8am.

Who wakes up that early? Especially in New York???

Rich people don't.

But Steve tells me superheroes do.
I said Bullshit.
He said Language.
So I said Bullshit it Italian to piss him off.

But he loves me, so oh well.

So, Strange called us to the Wizard Hut to talk about a new threat to the multiverse. Apparently, in another universe, there was a magical shadow man who called himself "the Darkling" and he needed to be stopped.

"So does this other universe at least have good booze?"

Strange glared at me, but that Wong fellow assured me this other universe was like Russia but make it goth.

Natasha laughed and used a cough to cover up something she said in Russian to Bucket. Barnes was using his metal hand to cover the laugh. Clint commented back (still in Russian) and Nat hid a smirk. Sometimes I wish I had translators built into FRIDAY so I could understand them, other days I was happily oblivious.

Strange explained how they didn't have our technology. He got mad when I made a caveman joke.

So this other universe has magic, guns, and ships.

But no tech??

Weirdos.

Whatever.

We brought the whole gang all geared up. Red Witch, Science Bro, Pigeon, Nat, Bucket, Falcon man, Capsicle Spangles, and of course the playboy himself, ME. Strange was coming with us to I guess.

Strange did his lollipop mixing hand gesture and a portal opened. I was hesitant because I couldn't see what was on the other side, but Steve was all ready to go.

"Why don't we go through together?" I asked in a teasing and borderline childish tone.
He smiled and asked if I wanted to hold his hand. 
I accepted graciously, my iron hand holding his gloved one, his other arm bearing the infamous shield.

We walked through, hand in hand. Ahh how romantic!

...

We reappeared in the dirtiest alley I've ever fucking seen.

Respectfully, Strange couldn't have put us anywhere better???

Strange spoke lowly from behind us while everyone else filtered through the portal.

"Welcome to Ketterdam everybody. This is one of the major trading harbors apparently."

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. The alley smelled like urine and faintly of blood. I could catch faint wisps of salt, like we were close to the sea. Oh wait harbor, duh.

Oou I wonder if they have beaches!

That'd be nice.

A scream echoed from far off.

Immediately, we all raced down the alley to see two groups fighting each other. None of us jumped in to fight, we couldn't tell who was who. It was all a blur of bullets, steel, blood, and bodies.

In the middle of the battle stood a single man pointing a gun at a pale yet darkly dressed figure.

"Geels, we've been through this before. Would you like your wrists broken twice?" The pale figure said with a rock salt rasp. He held a crow cane, standing calmly even with a gun barrel pointed between his scarred eyebrows.

"No! NO! Not again! You won't escape this time Dirtyhands!!"

A/N: It's a little short but I figured I'd give a short intro so I could get to the good stuff next. Plz comment feedback it's greatly appreciated!!