Lady Lesso One shots

Not eating {TW}{F}

A/n

TW: Eating disorder, Self harm, bad thoughs, slight mention of panic attacks.

Please dont read if any of the topics above trigger you.

This is 2,5k+ words of mental health problems.

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You sat in the main hall with a plate of food in front of you. As you talked to your friends you just pushed the food around on the plate. The thoughts flooding your mind. You are ugly. Fat. Don't eat this, it will make you fatter. You could not stop it.

You looked up from your plate and tried to act normal as you felt someone's burning gaze on you. It was Lady Lesso who was looking at you. She looked at you confused by why you weren't eating the food.

You knew she would ask questions so you tried to eat it to not have to talk about it. Stop it. Stop eating. I have to get this out now. The thoughts filled your mind as you pressed the food in your mouth.

After a few bites it got too much, the voices in your mind screamed at you to stop and leave. So you did. You quickly stood up, causing you to get a few confused looks by your friends but you ignored them and left the main hall.

You almost sprinted out of the room to get to your dorm. Once you finally entered the dorm you went directly to the bathroom and hunched over the toilet, throwing up everything you just had eaten.

It had been going on like this for a few months now, after a lot of comments from the princes and princesses in the school for good. They had commented on how you looked and other things about you, this led to you not eating properly. You thought no one noticed how you got thinner and thinner, and how you did not eat like you used to. But someone did, Lady Lesso had realized how you looked thinner, had less energy and how you did not let your friends hug you like usual, and your friends had realized something was wrong, just not what it was.

A few months after you began to almost stop eating completely you had also discovered a way to finally get your mind to get quiet for a moment, and to punish yourself as you felt like you did something wrong. It led to the cuts that now scattered your thighs and stomach.

After you had finally thrown up everything you had eaten the past hour you turned to the full body mirror next to the bathroom. You checked so that the door was locked before you took off your clothes, leaving you in just your bra and underwear.

You turned to look at your body, the one you did not like. You traced your hands over your stomach and could not stop thinking about how ugly you thought it was. How imperfect you were.

In reality the body you looked at in the mirror was barely anything else than skin and bone, but that was something you did not see. All you saw was how fat your mind made you think you were, how you looked.

You moved your hands lower and began to trace the now many cuts that decorated your thighs and stomach. Both closed ones and fresh cut ones from earlier in the morning. White, purple and red marks, all over your thighs, stomach and breasts. Some deeper, some not deep at all, just scratches. The thoughts began to fill your mind again. You are a disappointment. You did not go deep enough. You did not do good enough. You are not doing it bad enough, you don't have it bad enough. Why am I like this? Many people have it way worse than me. You could not stop thinking about it.

Your breathing grew shallow, and your head began to spin. You did almost not feel the hot tears that streamed down your face. The only thing that would help you in these situations were your blade, the blade that caused the lines on your body. You stood up on shaky legs and went to your nightstand. You opened the drawer to find the box. Once you found it you took it and went into the bathroom, taking your clothes with you.