say you won't let go (ashtray x oc)

No *edited*

elara jean

July 12

I woke up in an unfamiliar bed, but I knew exactly who's bed it was. I got up from Ashtray's bed and waked over to the mirror. I starred at myself in his sweatshirt and sweatpants as all the memories from last night came back. Some stayed fuzzy but most returned. I opened the door and walked down the stairs to see Lexi making breakfast.

"Good morning El". I heard Lexi's sweet voice say as I sat at the island. Fez handed me a cup of coffee and a plate with eggs, bacon, and mini pancakes. Though I wasn't that hungry. All I could think about was my pounding headache. It felt like someone was taking a hammer and just hitting my head with it over and over.

The sound of foot steps came behind me as I saw a little blonde boy known as my brother emerge from the dark lit hallway. Leo ran to Lexi giving her a big hug, Fez then picked up my baby brother and put him in the chair on my left. Lexi then gave him a plate with only pancakes and bacon. He hates eggs.

After a minute or 2 I saw him get up from the living room couch and make his way over to the island seat that's to my right. He won't even look at me. Ashtray won't look at me. I can't remember what I even did to him. I know I said something that fucked up any sorta friendship we had formed.

Breakfast was quiet no one really talked besides Leo and Fez. Afterwards I helped Fez clean up as Ash went up to his room. He didn't utter a word to anyone. Lexi and Leo went off to play Mario Cart or something. It was a peaceful silence between Fez and I. Till he decided to break that peaceful silence.

"El what happened with you and Ash?"

"Fez I don't honestly know."

"You need to talk to him, I haven't seen him like this since East Highland, you know like all reserved and quiet and shit. You really brought something out of him I've never seen you know, like I don't know a sense of happiness he never really shown unless he was with me, Rue or Lex. He truly cares for you El and I know he wouldn't just ignore you without a good reason. He let his guard down with you."

"Fez don't you think I know that. I can't even fucking remember what I did. I wish I did. I never meant to hurt him. I know he trusted me and I probably said something fucked up and stupid and know he can't even look at me. I know how he is, he doesn't forgive easily. I can't lose him, he's helped me through so much Fez I cannot just let him go."

Fez pulled me into a hug as he talked into my hair, "listen to me El he wouldn't just drop you, talk to him find out what you did. Fix it. I've never seen him as happy as he was and that's because he met you. Your helping my lil bro more then you know. I can't see either of you broken, especially Ash, not again." He pulled away as he finished his last few words and looked at my teary eyes as the tears fell. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me into one last hug before pointing his finger towards the stairs. I knew he wanted me to talk to him now, but I don't even know what to say. But I walked up the stairs wiping my tears as I did.

I paced back and forth for a good 20 minutes before i finally knocked on Ashtray's bedroom door. I need to apologize. I heard the door unlock and saw the door knob turn. When I looked up from my feet I was met with those mesmerizing eyes. I feel the way I felt when I first saw him. But this time his eyes were watery and his checks were a rosie color and stained with tears. I felt my heart shatter as I saw the state he was in.

I didn't say anything to him I just pulled him into a hug without warning. He didn't hug back until a few seconds later. He let go quickly though. He let me into his room and shut the door behind us. He sat at his desk and I sat on his bed. The silence that fell over us was so loud.

"Do you even remember what you said to me last night?" Ash said breaking that silence that filled the room only moments before. "No." I said but it came out more like a whisper. I leaned back on his head board and put my knees to my chest. I looked down at my hands trying to remember what the hell I said to him. I heard him get up and walk over to me. I felt like a statue I couldn't move a muscle. I felt my breath grow heavy as he got closer to me. I didn't know what to expect.