Falling

13

I move my glance to my left, away from Kenny. I lower my eyelids as I think through what I have just been told. I always wondered if I wasn't letting myself have fun and shit but hearing someone else say they've observed the same thing? Well, I can't help but wonder if I wasn't being dramatic with that thought.

I shake my head, turning back to the blonde, "I'm the only sober one here; it would just feel so awkward up there."

Kenny holds a finger to my face and turns off into the crowd. Great, now I'm alone again. I turn around the room looking at the people at the party doing what they do, when my eyes land on something that catches my eye. Or someone.

Stan is taking shots with a few people that I hardly know. He looks happy, smiling, and laughing. Shouting and occasional woo as he downs a shot of tequila or whatever they have over there. But I frown, knowing that he's not really happy. All of this drinking and partying is a cover. He might think he's hiding his pain well, but I can see through the lies. I just don't think I'm good at confronting him about them.

Suddenly a tap on my shoulder causes me to turn to face Kenny once again. The blonde is smiling, and then my eyes fall to his hands holding out two cups of—I'm not sure.

"What is this," I sigh in annoyance.

"Alcohol."

"Yeah, I figured that out, but I mean, what kind?" I don't even know why I'm asking. I'm not going to drink it.

"It's just beer."

"I'm not drinking, Ken. You know I don't."

The blonde frowns, "But you said you don't want to sing because you're not drunk, so—"

"No, I never said that."

"Fine, but it was implied."

I was about to respond when I realized there was some truth in that statement. But I'm still not drinking, "I think not being able to sing is a price I'm willing to pay for not getting drunk."

Kenny rolls his eye, "Please, Kyle, you need to loosen up, and it's one night. You never do anything remotely rebellious, which is fun. And don't start with that, well, non-rebellious things can be fun too, bullshit, because I know you really don't believe that. You want to do this, but you keep lying to yourself, saying you don't so you can keep on being the responsible friend. But I'm done watching you hate parties, so—"

Kenny shoves one of the cups to me. Kenny really spilled some real shit on me right now that I can't deny. And I guess I do want to just let loose for one night. I turned over my shoulder to catch another glimpse of Stan, who was stumbling around sipping something out of a cup. Fuck it.

I grab the cup lifting it to my lips. I take a gulp of the liquid and widen my eyes, "This is not beer, Kenny!"

"No, it's vodka."

I look at the blonde in shock before adding, "Well, this is not a shot worth of it in here."

"Yeah, there's about two shots in each of these cups," I shoot a look of disappointment and annoyance at the boy. "Oh, common, it won't kill you. I've had twice that, and some people here have had more than me."

"And that's not really a good thing, Ken."

"I never said that, but it won't kill you. Most of the time. It doesn't matter. It's just a few shots, and you never—"

I shoot down the rest of the vodka in the cup. Yeah, I'm getting pretty done with that never-shit. I wince and then refocus on the blonde in front of me holding out the second cup. Then without hesitation, I down that too.