Falling

4

Kyle

These fucking idiots.

I don't get it. They want to go to the club to have fun, right? Then what's the point if they don't even remember the fun the next day? That's just complete bullshit, and I just don't understand it.

These guys get to be a bunch of idiots, then I have to clean up their stupid mistakes. This happens all the time at parties and shit, and I'm getting sick of it, but they're not going to stop. Even if I told them not to, they'd still go and do it. The only difference is they would have no one to look after them and get into a shit ton of trouble. So fuck me for actually caring about my friend's well beings. Well, with the exception of Cartman, that guy can go rot in hell; wait, then why do I even call him my friend?

Oh, never mind, that's not the point. What it is that I have to take care of these douchebags, so we all don't get in significant trouble. I already found Stan going through his usual thing. But, honestly, I'm getting apprehensive about him. It's pretty clear he's unhappy and is struggling with some sort of abuse problem. I mean, the amount he drinks combined with how badly he wants to have an excuse to drink; like we'll just be hanging out at the park, then Stan will pull out some kind of alcohol and say that it's okay since we're hanging out. I don't think he understands that just because you hang out, that doesn't mean you can drink.

Or maybe he does, but he doesn't care as long as it's even just barely in the ballpark of an excuse. But the worst part about any of this shit with him is the fact I haven't tried hard enough to stop him.

Okay, so maybe that's not the worst thing about my best friend having a drinking problem; but that doesn't make it great. I guess it's just that I'm not sure how to stop him. So what do I say that will actually take effect? I feel that anything I could say would be trying harder I could never say it because I'm just too much of a people pleaser to get anyone mad at me.

Okay, to get him mad at me.

I used to not care as much about what people thought about me. I would say whatever I felt and do anything I wanted with such ease, but it's like boom, I hit 12, and all my confidence just... well, goes. Sure, I still say whatever comes to mind, no matter how harsh it is. Or how much I'll regret it. But even though I can't control my mouth, that doesn't mean I don't care what people think about me.

But it's like the only person I can control what I say around is him. I don't know why. It must be some sort of best friend shit, or since I care about him so much, I'm the most scared about losing him. But no matter how much reassurance I get that he'll never leave, I just can't let go of the feeling he will. Like he'll finally come to his senses.

I just feel like I'm out of control and getting closer and closer to rock bottom, and nothing I do will stop it. It's like, like, I don't; I just have no control. Okay, already said that, um, like no matter how hard I try, I'll still keep... falling.

Yeah, I feel like I'm falling, and I'll never stop.

***

Just a few more blocks, yeah, that's it.

I take another left turn in Kenny's truck with the blonde to my right and the other to idiots in the back. I had to drive slowly to ensure they didn't fall out of the truck since they weren't conscious enough to hold themselves down.

After a few minutes, I arrive at the Cartman house, parking in front of the simple home. This is the only place I can take these guys after these outings so they don't get in trouble since Cartman's mom really doesn't care what we do as long as her sons are okay. I don't think she even minds the fat piece of shit being tried and drunk since that's the only state of his quiet.