Butterfly Marked

Kiss me where the Jasmine grows

City lights and buildings flashed by them as Phayu drove through the night. They stopped for drinks and food along the way, but continued on until he found the spot he wanted. They'd found it their 2nd year of University, and it was still a place they went when life didn't make sense.

He stopped the car and they sat in silence, the car lights beamed into the darkness and then went out. The sky seemed to stretch out into the vast distance, and stars spread like an invisible blanket. He wanted to say something, but felt it wasn't the right time.

So instead he got out of the car bringing the drinks and food with him, and sat on the edge of the hood and waited. He heard the passenger door open, and watched out of the side of his eye as 'Pai sat next to him. He handed over a cup of milk tea, and took a sip of his own.

"Sooo...still want to go to the club and pick up pretty nongs," Phayu said with a straight face.

Prapai let out a silent laugh, and took a sip of his tea.

" P'.....Phayu....bro...you ever been in love?" He stared emptily into the night, " I don't recommend it."

Phayu turned to look at him, but in the darkness he couldn't make out his face. They'd been friends for a long time, but he'd never talked like this. Prapai was the happy go lucky one, and Phayu was the one who tested the ground before he walked on it.

Hearing his friend say something so disheartening pulled at heart, and he wished he could help him more. They sat in silence for the next hour just sitting there nursing the drinks he'd bought, and waited for the right moment.

He watched as Prapai slid down the front of the hood, and slowly sank to sit on the ground. He let out a groan as if in pain, and curled forward into himself. The dam of emotions inside of him breaking, and he heard rather than saw the first raw sob fill the air.

Head in his hands Prapai cried bitter throat searing tears, and barely registered as Phayu patted his back. He followed his best friend to the ground after he'd sort of collapsed into himself. They sat there again in silence as the tears swelled, and then finally came to a stop.

Phayu didn't want to come to any assumptions so he kept to himself, until 'Pai was ready to talk. He never cried, much less let himself fall into grief like what he was witnessing right now. His hand raised over, and  over again pressing firmly into the hunched back letting him know that he wasn't going anywhere.

After what felt like forever a voice broke the darkness.

"It's all my fault."

Still Phayu didn't speak, but now he turned to 'Pai to try and read his expression. The stars still illuminated the sky, but they weren't enough to study Prapai's face. So he waited for him to explain.

Word's tumbled over themselves, and out of Prapai's mouth. After everything was said and done he didn't know what to say. What could he say...it felt as if the all encompassing silence had stolen his words.

He'd sat there in silence as 'Pai had explained  what had laid waste to his life. Only a few days ago he and Sky had been happy, and then everything had changed with one phone call.

" Hello? Is  this Mr. Prapai Nattiriya? This is the Bangkok Health Center, and I am contacting you because a Ms. Lace Wirriwat that is being seen here gave us permission to contact previous sexual partners because of a positive HIV diagnosis. We suggest to you that  you get tested immediately at your earliest convenience."

His phone had fallen from nerveless fingers, and smashed into the floor. Panic had flooded his body as  he sought to suck in more oxygen. A voice that sounded far away shouted his name, and his eyes had locked on the slim gorgeous man in front of him.

Regret filled him so fast he swore the room would spin. He should have been worried about being sick, or what having an  incurable illness would mean for his future. Instead he was filed with the fear that the man before him, would leave him if he found out. The fear inside of him made him want to hide everything, but he knew he could never do it.

It was too soon, and almost impossible to believe but there it was in-between his panic, fight, and flight.

Love...

Phayu winced as 'Pai explained more, and learned in relief that his best friend had been spared the lifetime responsibility of a life with HIV. The fear that has crept up his spine falling away as he silently thanked Buddha.

He'd expected to hear that Sky had left in a fit of anger, but instead had learned the relationship had just gone silent. Sky had never broken up with 'Pai, but instead there was nothing. No communication, no blaming, but radio silence.... until tonight.

Prapai had been sure that tonight was the night their relationship would end, but instead Sky had asked him to meet him at the first place they'd had lunch at. He didn't dare hope for them to stay together. His broken heart and despair  almost broke him, and the rest was history.

This time he didn't need to look next to him to know what face Prapai was making. He just hoped that what came next wouldn't truly break him.

Photo Credit: Me Mind Y Series 'Love in the Air' Re-posted on Pinterest