5SOS BoyXBoy Oneshots // Requests Open :)

RED LINE - Lashton

explicit language

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Short summary:

A songfic for Red Line.
Luke and Ashton are casually hooking up but to Ashton, "casual" doesn't work anymore. Or: Ashton is in love with Luke but to Luke it's just sex.

Set in 2018/19 when Luke was living with Ashton for a while.

TW: Depression, mention of selfharm, alcoholism, and implied smut i guess

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It's hard to fake when I'm not faded
I thought I could prepare myself

The bottle felt cold in his hand even though he had been holding onto it for a while.
His empty glass sat on the table infront of him, sticky substance dried up in a circle around the bottom. It was sure to leave a stain on the delicate wooden table but that was to be mourned in the morning, picked apart with the other remains of tonight.

It always started with a glass. Just one.

One turned into three, more often five.

And at one point, he saw no point in taking the in-between step of pouring the alcohol into the glass before drowning it anymore.

This happened between two and four times a week. Sometimes more often.

Lately definitely more often.

When you asked me, "What's the matter?"
The actor says he hates himself

He saw a movement from the corner of his blurry vision.
Someone had entered the living room and lingered in the doorframe before coming over to sit down on the loveseat opposite of him.

He brought the bottle up to his lips and took another sip before his eyes wandered up to meet the two blue ones staring back at him.

Ashton could write hundreds of songs about those eyes. Thousands of pages, and still none of them could do them justice.

Ashton had written a fair amount of songs about them in his life. Not only about the beautiful, slightly mismatched eyes of the boy before him. He had written songs about his freckles, his blonde curls, his smile, his laugh, his beautiful soul. Songs about the complexity of the younger boys mind, about the manipulative part of his personality and about the darkness in his heart.
Some songs were out in the world, being obliviously listened to every day by thousands of people. Some songs would never see the light of day.

Ashton had written verses, paragraphs, pages, fucking books about Luke Hemmings in desperate attempts to figure him out, and by that, figure himself out.

But in the end, Ashton found that the only time Luke and him made any sense was when Ashton was wasted.

"Why are you doing this?," Luke asked, like every time.

"Because I hate myself," Ashton said like every time.

Luke sighed and put his hands over his eyes.

"Don't say that," Luke mumbled. Like every time.

"It's better than saying that I hate you," Ashton muttered.