[Excerpt]:
"Does it bother you?" He asked, after an incisive moment of silence.
"Does...what bother me?" I immediately returned, unable to decipher the objective behind the closed-ended question.
"The way I stare. At you." He pondered, as his dark...
"No, Austin. I'm not leaving." I replied, thinking of how long I had envisioned what this very moment would feel like. Nothing was going to stop me from letting him know everything I wanted to say.
"Don't call me that. You don't get to fucking call me that. Not anymore." He responded sternly. I tried to ignore the hurt, biting my lip to focus my attention on the sharp pain caused by my grating teeth instead.
"Look at me, Kendall. Please." I whispered, as I sat down on the bed beside him. He turned his head to stare into my eyes for no more than 5 seconds. His stare and demeanor were lifeless, almost prompting me to leave the room and abandon all hopes of ever speaking to him again.
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"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you feel like I abandoned you. I made one stupid mistake, Kendall. I was just a little girl who finally felt seen by her family, after being neglected her entire life. But, I want you to know that I never stopped thinking about you once. Since that day on your birthday, when we made a promise to one another that we'd be together."
"For fuck's sake, Sasha. I was an immature boy with no understanding of how this shit world functions. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but the boy you once cherished is gone. I'm not Austin anymore. And you're clearly not Raya. So, let's just get past tonight and we can forget that any of this ever happened." Kendall rose from the bed he once owned as a child and stalked towards the door.
I wanted to stop him. No, I needed to stop him.
"Maybe you can just walk away from this, but I can't. I've been in love with you since the first day we met! When I saw you sitting alone on that couch, I just knew that there was something special about you. You've had my heart since the day we made that pinky promise to never leave each other."
Tears defiantly fell down my face, as I broke out into a sob. I couldn't bare to see him leave. A shameful part of me cherished the conversation we were currently having, even if it had been one filled with hatred and one-sided love.
Just as his hand reached the door knob, Kendall stopped in his tracks. He tapped his head harshly against the door panel, before turning back around and taking slow steps towards me. Silence filled the room, as he stared at me with a look so intense that my skin lit on fire. His lips slowly morphed from a frown to a solid line.
"Come here." He directed, outreaching a hand towards me. I cautiously grabbed it, standing up from the bed to meet his tall frame. He towered over me, as I searched deeply into the pits of his eyes for something I wasn't even quite sure I was looking for.
Perhaps it was hope.
"For tonight, I'll be your Austin." He whispered, as he brought me into an embrace.
His sturdy arms wrapped around my back, gently sliding down to the bridge of my hips and securing tightly around my waist. By force of the action, my chest pushed up against his broad borders. My hands took on a mind of their own, moving from my sides to grasp at his muscular chest.
The distance between us sufficiently decreased, as I clenched my fists tightly, taking on a handful of his shirt in both of my hands. A small involuntary tear cascaded down my face, but I wiped it away as quickly as it came. However, more followed. Ugh, why was I crying?
Soon enough, I found myself moving my hands to connect behind his neck. I rested my head along his chest and took in a large breath that allowed me to inhale his cherry scent. Kendall's hands trailed down my hips before they gripped just below my butt. He lifted my legs up so that I could wrap them around his body.
Carrying me back to the bed, he sat us up against the headboard, as we continued to hold onto one another. Entranced in the surreal moment, I hadn't noticed that I was now sitting on top of him. He pressed me further into his lap so that my head was firmly snuggled against his chest.
I felt so safe and warm simply being in his arms. I had always imagined what it would feel like to just be held by him. Now that it had come to fruition, it was easily one of my favorite memories.
We stayed like that for hours, until I slowly drifted off to sleep.
"Raya.." I thought I heard his raspy voice whisper, as warm hands caressed my head and my eyes shut, welcoming in the darkness.
~~~
The next morning, I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping. Stretching my body out across the queen-sized bed, I realized that I still wore the same clothes from the previous day. Memories of the night before flooded my thoughts, as I squirmed my eyes open. I grew heated when I began to remember the intimate moment I had shared with Kendall.
So much, yet so little, had transpired between us. All of which, I hadn't had enough time to emotionally process. I had already found Kendall irresistibly enchanting, but now that I knew that he was my Austin, my want for him had spiked tenfold.
Would things change between us now that we knew who we both were?
Given that my flight back to New York was this morning, I quickly showered and got dressed before leaving my room. As I stepped into the hallway, I silently hoped that Kendall would still be in the room across from mine.
Had he been the one to carry me to bed?
Like old time's sake, I knocked on the door, but was met with silence. After a few seconds passed, I knocked again.
"He's not in there. He left last night." Sarah said, appearing from beyond the hallway corner. I could sense the empathy in her eyes. But I didn't want her compassion. Nor did I need it. I nodded my head, then grabbed my suitcase and walked past her as I went down the stairs.
Outside, I was greeted by a driver who took my luggage and walked me to the parked car that would be taking me to the airport. Taking one final glance at the house, I was thankful that it had somehow brought Austin and I together once again.
"Bye Sasha! Take care!" Sarah and Christopher waved from the front door.
A part of me admired Sarah's efforts to address her hurtful behavior towards me as a child. But, I would need more time to completely forgive her. I had left my number in the bedroom nightstand in hopes that she would reach out to me one day, and I would be ready to talk to her.
For now, it was goodbye. Everything I loved and needed was waiting for me back in New York.
