Author's note
A short story ig?? I just had the urge to write this... I know the title isn't a Twice song anymore, but I can't think of any songs that matches with this hehe. Also, I appreciate the comments that I've been receiving these days a lot cause even though the last time I updated was like a loooong time ago, it still keeps on receiving so much love especially my book 29. Thank you for being with me y'all !! <333
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Did you ever have someone you can share your darkest side with?
Share your thoughts through certain things,
Even your plans in the future.
Your worst nights?
Your silent battles?
Did you ever have someone who understands, and love you unconditionally despite your flaws?
The one who you can feel safe with?
May be a lover, a friend, or a family...
Can you think of someone when I said those things?
Then you must be lucky.
Really, really lucky.
To have such a person in your life... is such a blessing.
To share your problems without concerning that you're gonna burden that other person...
To be with them through ups and downs.
...
I have been with many people. I have dated. I have interacted. I have changed what I wanted and who I am.
I did everything to be loved... To be cared... To be noticed... To be the best person... Just to have someone who can love me.
But I am always left alone.
In the end,
I am always alone.
Everyone I am friends with has their own circle without me.
Everyone in my family has their favorites and I am never one of them.
Maybe I am the problem.
Am I?
Really?
Is it that hard to love me?
To fully know me?
I tend to think that I don't even deserve to be loved at all.
But you know what's funny?
A person would always come and make me feel I am worthy to be loved too but the cycle doesn't end right here.
They would always find something wrong with me...
And now that I am about to be discarded by Chaeyoung... I was the one who did it first.
I did it cause I don't want to be abandoned.
I shouldn't have hold on to the hope that I can still be with someone whom I can be safe with; Whom I can call a person.
I don't mind if it's anyone... Just someone who is willing to be with me...
But my life is just a cycle. People would just come and go. Yes, they would stay but what a cliché...
I wanted to be special to someone they can hold dear but with my experience... I am not afraid.
I am not afraid anymore.
I am not afraid to be left alone cause I always prepared myself for our partings.
Maybe I am really the problem.
But was it really my fault?
When I wanted to be loved and love someone genuinely, platonically or romantically, it doesn't matter... I was always alone.
And now when someone was finally out there to do so... I couldn't care less.
Nothing. At all.
Maybe I drew a line just to save myself?
I hate this.
I hate everything.
I am fine being alone...
But...
It's lonely.
I don't want to be with loneliness.
I do not understand.
But when I feel like I've held my life into its right places... It will just only crumble into broken pieces.
I do not know what this feeling is.
But maybe,
I am just destined to be lonely.
I do convince myself that I am unworthy of love.
But sometimes, I do wish...
Someone would be able to risk and give me the feeling of being loved and to love.
I did wished that it would be you, Son Chaeyoung.
But I did not expect...
You would also be part of the cycle...
I was afraid to go through with,
Again.
